Waiting for Twilight
by Twilightholic-Tanya
Summary: A masquerade ball, an amazing dance, and a heart pounding moment. Cinderbella meets her Prince Charming but where in the fairy tale did it say he wasn't single? All Human!
1. Prince Charming

**Okay well I thought about this for a while and finally just started writing it. It of course was inspired by a song and so I hope you like it. The characters are all human and the setting takes place in Chicago because I thought it would be easier. Okay so that is about it and on with the story. **

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"Please Alice I will beg. Do not make me go to this thing," I said as she dragged my hand and forced me to walk faster in my two inch heels. She just wanted a disaster from me. One hand held my dress while the other was trapped in the iron steal cage that was my best friend's hand.

My dress was simple and picked out by Alice. It was white and off the shoulder and it made me feel like Cinderella. It was a simple white ball gown and it was blown out by my waist and reached all the way to the floor. I was known to trip on something like this yet Alice insisted that I had to wear it.

Alice's dress was just as lovely as mine if not more. Though I liked how it fit her not me. It was sleeveless and hugged her chest and gave her a lovely show of cleavage. At her hips the dress spread out and showed waves and waves of golden cloth fabrics. She was also holding her dress up to prevent it from dragging along the cold sidewalk. I was freezing against the cold winds hitting my shoulders face and arms. Alice must have been just as cold but she didn't show it.

"No Bella you're going. Trust me you'll have a blast," she said and made me walk even faster.

"Alice you're taking me to a ball. A masquerade ball. I am not going to have fun. I can't even dance!" I shrieked with the nervousness in my voice. I heard Alice sigh before she came to a complete stop. She let go of my wrist and placed her hands on my shoulders as she looked up at me.

"You _are _going to have fun. You look like a brunette Cinderella and I will not let you stay home and watch a movie with Jake like you do every Friday night. Look at yourself!" she scolded and turned me to look at a dark window that showed my reflection as well as a mirror. She was right I did look beautiful. Like a brunette Cinderella. My hair was picked up halfway in a bun. The other half was let down and rested on my shoulders in beautiful long curls. A few pieces of my hair were loose from the bun and framed my face.

I smiled at the person in the reflection. "I guess I do look pretty," I said and heard Alice snort. "Pretty, is the biggest understatement of the year," she said and took another grip on my wrist before pulling me along.

When we finally made it to the building that held the ball Alice took me the bathroom before entering the ballroom.

She took out her purse and applied a pink lipstick to my lips. "What no eye makeup," I asked when she put some blush on my cheeks.

"Hello, masquerade ball," she said and showed me my mask. I liked it. It was a half face mask that covered my forehead and just the top of my nose. The outside and eyes were framed in a gold trim. The mask was white and it went with my dress perfectly. Alice placed it on me careful not to mess up my hair and turned me to look in the mirror. The gold framing around my eyes made the brown look deeper and actually show them.

I smiled happy about how I looked and turned back to Alice. She had placed her mask on and it was stunning. The mask was like mine and only covered from forehead to the top of her nose. It was a deep gold color and set with intricate designs around the eyes. Small blue gems were spread out along the eyes and held one lager gem in the middle of her forehead. Her light hazel eyes stood out amongst the gold and blue and I smiled at just how lovely she looked.

I felt my self-esteem go down as I realized who I would be walking into the ball with.

"Come on Cinderbella," she said and held my hand as she pulled me along. I smiled at the nickname she gave me.

The ballroom was beautiful. Crystal chandeliers hung from the ceilings lighting the room. The hardwood floors glowed and there were tables along the walls and left the dance floor open and wide. A few couples occupied it while a band standing on a stage played a slow classical song. I did not want to go there.

Alice led me to our table and she took a seat. "Isn't this lovely?" she asked with a bright smiled as I looked around. There were women in beautiful fancy evening gowns that made mine feel like a simple night gown. Men wore tuxes and masks ranged from full face to half to just eye mask.

"So where's Jasper?" I asked as I took a seat that faced the dance floor. "He'll be here," she said from her seat across from me her back facing the dance floor.

"Hello pretties," I heard a soft voice chimed and looked up to see the one and only Rose.

"Hey Rosie," Alice said with a bright smile. Rosalie was Jasper's twin and beautiful.

As I glance at her attire I rolled my eyes. The only one of us who actually could like a Cinderella and she comes looking like a showgirl. Her dress was sleeveless and red. It was a crimson red ball gown with a black tulle overlay over the skirt of the dress. Her hair was in curls but put up so that it was in a loose bun on the top of her head.

Her mask was simple in a light gold color with a sapphire gem one the end of each eye. It only covered her eyes and had a long golden ribbon that blended with her hair when she tied it in the back. She smiled as she took a seat and glanced over at me. "You look like Cinderella, like a Cinderbella," she complemented and I blushed. "I told her the same thing, so where's Emmett?" Alice asked and placed her tiny hand in her lap.

"He is somewhere around here. He's supposed to meet his brother here or something," rose said and examined her French manicured nails.

"Emmett has a brother?" I asked and Rosalie directed her violet blue eyes to me. "Yes, his works involves traveling and he finally has time to just come home for a while so Emmett insisted they have a good time," she said and looked away.

Rosalie was a nice person and I liked her. She liked me too but we didn't have a close friendship. If I had to choose between her and Alice it would most definitely be Alice. Alice and I had known each other longer than I had known Rose.

"Would you care to dance?" I heard and looked up to see Jasper bow to Alice. Alice laughed at just how old fashioned he was acting. He wore a black tuxedo and his mask covered his forehead and down to his nose. The mask traveled down and covered his cheeks leaving his jaw and mouth with out cover. It was plain and grey and fitted his features nicely. His blonde hair was combed back and I was surprised on how nicely he looked,

"You clean up well Jasper," I said and he glanced at me. "Bella?" he asked and I felt insulted. "Wow look who's talking. I didn't even recognize you," he admitted and I looked away blushing while Alice laughed.

She got up and left to dance floor.

Rose and I were left alone.

"So why did you decide to come in as a show girl?" I joked and she cracked a smile. "What, I didn't want to be a wall flower," she teased and I rolled my eyes defeated. "You look really nice by the way," I said and laughed as she looked down at her dress. "Thanks but I would have come in something simpler if I could, but I can't pull it off. Not like you can," she said and I smiled.

"Well hello Rose, and Bella," I heard the booming voice of Emmett. I looked up to see him wear a gold bird mask with a beak. Of course Emmett would only settle for something like that. "Hello Emmett," I said shyly and he took Rose's hand. "If you don't mind I'm going to steal my date for the night," he said and they left to the dance floor without another word.

I sighed as I watched the other couple's dance.

"Would you like to dance?" a soft voice asked and I lifted my head to see. I was staring in the most beautiful glowing green eyes I had ever seen. The man was tall and handsome. He had copper color hair that fell loosely on his forehead. His bright green eyes stood out against the black color mask he wore and I was strung speechless.

He took my hand and led me to the dance floor. The band played an up beat tempo and he placed his hands on my waist holding me at arms length. My arms hung loosely from his neck and we began to sway to the music.

Before I knew it we were twirling to the music and I found I was having fun. I smiled as he brought me closer to him and a crooked smile formed on his face making me blush.

We didn't talk only danced but it was a perfect moment none the less and I was glad Alice had dragged me along. I didn't know I could dance to such an upbeat tempo but I was able to and it was easy with him leading me. When the song finished he let go of me and smiled. The music turned to a slower song and he held his hands out. I smiled and placed my hands in his as we began to waltz.

"Amazing, you don't have a date?" he said softly and I sighed. "No, I didn't really want to come but my friend forced me too," I explained and he smiled.

"I know what you mean. It's not fun to get dragged somewhere against your will," he laughed and blushed. So he was forced here as well.

"Are you from around here?" I asked.

"Well I've been gone for a while. I know that this is an annual event though. The famous Twilight Balls. The theme changes every year doesn't it?" he asked.

"Yes I guess it does. This theme just happens to be a masquerade ball. I hate to think of the other theme's I missed," I joked and he smiled. I had never really gone to any of the Twilight Balls before but I knew what they were about.

When twilight approached the ball rooms would open and it was like a flash from the pass. It brought you back to the old times. It gave you a chance to dress in fancy clothes and enjoy classical music instead of the hip beat of today's clubs. Surprisingly they were very popular.

I noticed the long silence between us and looked up to see his green eyes staring at mine with such a strong intensity. It made my stomach clench.

I found my arms around his neck and his face was a lot closer.

I stared at the cat like eyes and I couldn't help but notice just how close he had gotten. The room around us turned hazy and the sounds faded away. All I could hear was the pounding heart and I wouldn't be surprised if he could hear it to.

I leaned up closer so that his lips barely grazed mine. The promise of a soft smooth kiss. All I had to do was…

I heard clapping and the haze broke apart. The song finished.

I pulled away and turned toward the stage where the band was taking a bow and a break.

"Cinderbella," I heard the cheery voice of Alice call and I turned to look for her small figure.

She came to my side and held my arm. "Hey who were you dancing with?" she asked and I looked to my side realizing I didn't know his name. But he was gone. I looked around to see if I could see him again and was met with a clash of evening gowns and tuxedos.

"I was dancing with….a prince charming," I answered and Alice laughed as she took my hand and led me back to the table.

"Oh and where is he?" she asked and looked over her shoulder to the dance floor.

"I have no idea," I mused and took a seat. She gave me a look before dropping the subject and I smiled. Tonight was actually fun.

I wonder if I would ever meet the prince charming again.

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**I have a link of my profile where you can find Alice's, Rose's and Bella's dress. I sorta made Alice's dress in my mind but I went to see if I could find something that came close and I did but not exact so bear with me. Also you can find Bella's mask. I don't have a picture for Alice's or Rose's mask beacuse I made those up. **

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Okay my first chapter and I'm wondering if I should continue with it or just leave it like that. So if I get a good review response I may continue with the story or just leave it a one shot. What do you say? Should I go on? Does it have potential?

**Review and let me know please. **

**Oh and by the way the Twilight Balls are not real I just made them up. **

**Lots of love Twilightholic-Tanya**


	2. An Order of Sighs

**Wow thanks for everyone who said I should continue the story so I will. I was very happy with my review response so I will continue.****Someone asked what song inspired the story so I'll tell you.**

**Waiting for Tonight by Jennifer Lopez.**

**I was just listening to it one night and I came up with this so um here is the second chapter.**

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"Alice I'm not sure, I'm sorta busy tomorrow. Wasn't going out tonight enough," I said into the phone as laid in bed.

"Of course not. I finally got you out and you had a nice time. I'm not taking you dancing again just a dinner," she begged into the phone and I could imagine her making big puppy dog eyes and pouting her lip out.

"Well who did you say was going?" I asked slowly knowing I had already gave in. I had to stop imagining her like that.

"Well Rose, Emmett, Jasper, you and me," she answered.

"Aw Alice your going to make me the fifth wheel," I complained. I wasn't even at the diner and I still felt awkward.

"No I am not. How can you accuse me of something like that?"

"I am not going on another blind date!" I growled and heard her laugh.

"Why because you'll afraid you might actually fall in love with this person?"

She was referring to the last date she set me up on. The relationship didn't work out romantically but he turned out to be one of my best friends.

"So you are setting me up?" I accused already forming a plan to get out of the dinner early in my head.

"No you're welcome to arrive with a date or arrive single. We're going to meet Emmett's brother so you don't have to worry about being the fifth wheel," she said simply and I sighed in relief.

"Alright well I'll see you tomorrow night," I said into the phone before a yawn overtook me. "Okay good night Cinderbella, maybe you'll meet you Prince Charming sooner that you think," and with that Alice hung up the phone.

What was she up to?

o.0.o.0.o.0

_Where was I? I walked along the most beautiful hallway I had ever seen not knowing where I was going. The hall was white with beautiful hardwood floors and very little light. I heard the soft click of my heels walking on the floor and looked down to see me wearing the dress I had worn the night before at the ball._

_My hands traveled to my face and I felt the mask underneath my finger tips._

_I looked ahead to see a bright glow in the distance. I was drawn to it. I walked into the light only to once again walk into a magnificent ball room. Only this time it was empty. I slowly walked into the middle of the dance floor and looked around._

_I felt a soft tap on my shoulder and turned around to look into the beautiful green eyes. He held out his hand and I took it as soft music began to play. He smiled and my heart stopped._

_we swayed slowly to the music and I felt his arm grip tighter on my waist as he brought me closer._

_BEEP_

_BEEP_

_BEEP_

"Ugh" I groaned as I looked for the off button on the annoying clock. Why was it the alarm clock always had to interrupt on the best dreams and yet lets you play out all the crappy ones in your head.

I shut off the clock and sighed as I went to take a shower.

--

"Hello, welcome to Monday's can I get you anything," I said as happily as I could to the couple who just came in.

I hated my job. I had to deal with rich snobs who acted as though they owned the place and could fire you if anything went wrong. The only reason they came here was because it was close to wherever they worked. But at least the tips were good. That I couldn't complain about.

_(A/N: 'Kay my aunt's worked at Monday's. It is indeed a real restaurant. Both my aunt's would always complain about the people they got so I'm just writing what I know)_

The job was just until I graduated then I would be out of here.

"No Thank you we're fine," the woman said sweetly with a smile and turned to look at the menu.

She looked to be about my age and she came in with a man who was around his fifties. He wore a dark navy blue suit and his hair was black and combed back.

The woman had long curly hair picked up in a loose bun letting some of the strawberry blonde locks fall out and fall into her face.

"Um can we get another menu?" the man asked without looking up from the menu. He was a snob. The woman not so much. "We have one more person coming," she explained looking up at me with a sheepish smile.

I smiled in return and left to get another menu.

"You should at least be polite Daddy," I heard the woman scold.

I laughed and returned a few minutes later to place the menu down.

"Are you ready to order of would you like a few more minutes?" I asked and took out my notepad.

"Can we have a few more minutes please," the woman asked and I nodded as I left to take care of some of my other costumers.

The afternoon shift was the worst. This was the place to take the lunch break. But at least I didn't have to work it tomorrow. I didn't have to work at all tomorrow.

When I returned to the table with the woman and her father I noticed there was a tan leather jacket draped over a chair next to the woman.

"Are your ready to order?" I asked and took out my notepad.

"Tanya," the elder man said and gestured to his daughter.

She nodded and I took there orders.

I sighed as I took a tray filled with drinks to a family of four. I was able to dodge around costumers well. I was proud of my clumsy self. I was proud until a small boy around the age of two ran in front of me. I tried to walk around him and failed.

The drinks slipped backwards and I felt myself falling. I prepared myself to hit the floor but instead I heard a voice. "Watch out!" it shouted and then I was in someone's arms.

I gasped and looked up to be met with a pair of emerald green eyes. Suddenly I felt a flashback. I remembered those eyes against a dark black mask.

"Are you okay," he asked and I nodded and he continued to look at me. He was so close and I could see his lips part. I remembered those lips. The lips that promised a smooth kiss. Could this be Prince Charming? "Have we met?" he asked and I smiled. "Just now," I said quickly deciding that no it couldn't and he laughed and set me on my feet.

I looked at the ground to see the cups splattered on the ground and the soda spilling everywhere.

"Shawn!" I heard a female voice shout and turned to see an older woman around her thirties gripping the arm of the little boy who had ran out in front of me. "Mommy told you not to run off like that!" she scolded and then turned to me with a sheepish smile.

"I am so sorry," she said and laughed. "Don't worry, I'm a klutz by nature it was bound to happen sometime today," I said and the mother picked up the boy and left to her table making sure to mutter another apology.

I turned back to the man who had saved me but he was gone. I sighed. Of course he just had to disappear. Was he really the man I had met last night? I shook my head knowing the answer had to be no and left to get the busboy and another set of sodas.

"Jose, I—" but I never got to finish the sentence.

"I know, I know. You spilled, when don't you?" he said with his heavy Spanish accent.

Jose was another college student working here until he graduated and went off to Harvard. He planned on being a lawyer and I knew he would make a great one at that.

I went back to the table with the woman and her father but they were gone.

Money was left on the table along with a scribbled note.

_We had to rush off. I hope this covers the bill._

-_Sorry_

I looked through it to see that they had left me a twenty dollar tip. Wow, that was nice of them.

I sighed yet again and went to tell the cook to cancel the order. I looked down at my watch and smiled.

Only two more hours to go.

0.o.0.o.0.o

I opened the door to my apartment and placed my keys on the kitchen table as I headed to my room. I took off my shoes and sat on the bed as I rubbed them slowly. I really hated my job.

I got up slowly and went to the bathroom but when I opened the door someone came bustling out. "You really need some better make up," the little sprite said as she walked into my living room.

"Jeez Alice, you almost gave me a heart attack! What the hell are you doing here?" I shouted and watch her plant herself on the sofa and reach for the remote of the T.V.

"I have to get you ready. Go take a shower," was all she said and I sighed for the hundredth time that day and went to take a shower.

-

"Okay let's see what I have to work with," she said as she reached into my closet. I was in one of my favorite robes waiting for her to pick my outfit. She had done my make up and let my hair stay down only adding a clip to keep it out of my eyes.

"Yay, I found something, but we do have to take you shopping one of these days," she said and took out a simple black cocktail dress.

I smiled happy that I would be able to wear something simple and I looked simple. Alice had place a pink lipstick on my lips and glossed them. She darkened my eyes with eyeliner.

I placed the dress on and Alice twirled me around to make sure I was perfect.

"Okay I think we have you set, now it's my turn" she said and I smiled.

Alice didn't take long on getting dress. She wore a light pink blouse and a long black skirt with a slit on the side.

"So what's Emmett's brother's name by the way?" I asked as we headed out of the apartment to wait for Jasper.

"Edward, I hear he's quite the catch," she said and gave me a wink.

"Even if he was I doubt he would be interested in me, besides I can't afford distractions," I said trying to ignore this subject.

"Sure, just another way to say you can't get a date," Alice muttered but I chose to ignore her.

"Any luck with Prince charming?"

"Alice I don't even know this man's name. I don't plan on meeting him again, although I wish I would," I sighed in disappointment.

"I have a feeling you'll meet him soon," she said her face in concentration and I laughed. Alice always had a way of sensing what was to come.

"I hope your right," I said and Jasper stopped in front of the apartment.

Well might as well get this night over with.

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**Okay I hope you like it. I had to set up the story a bit here so yea… **

**Okay well please review and let me know what you think. Still not sure where this will be going but I like writing it so I hope you enjoy reading it. well let me know what you think. Thank you my lovely reviewers!**

**Oh and I wrote this chapter listening to a song. Probably doesn't go with the chapter but it got me in my writing zone. **

**Song: Reflections by Christina Aguilera**

**Anyway review please**

**Lots of love Twilightholic-Tanya**


	3. Reality Check

**Song inspired chapter: Thunder - Boys like Girls**

**Most likely won't make sense but got me in the mood. **

**Enjoy!**

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I sat at the table while Alice and Jasper chatted quietly. Emmett and Rose weren't here yet. The restaurant was beautiful but not over fancy. Yet it was most definitely a coat and tie sort of place and the ones that required a reservation.

Alice giggled quietly and I looked up to see Jasper smirking and her cheeks pink.

I got up not able to take it anymore and Alice looked at me. "What's wrong Bella?" she asked and I forced a smile on my face. "I have to visit the restroom," I said as an excuse to get away. Hopefully by the time I returned Emmett would be here with his brother and Rose.

But of course this was me getting up so I had to be followed by an accident. As I got up to turn my foot caught the leg of the chair and I stumbled forward. I tried to catch myself but instead I ended up bumping into a man.

The man staggered back and wrapped his arms around me to keep me from falling myself. "Whoa are you alright?" he asked. I knew that voice.

I looked up to be met with green eyes filled with a worried expression. I couldn't say anything. I was stunned by his green eyes. I had never seen eyes like his before.

"It looks like we have a theme to our meetings," he said with a laugh and I smiled sheepishly remembering him from the diner.

"I guess we do," I said my voice barely above a whisper. "Bella are you alright?" I heard Alice asked and turned to see her looking at me. She was standing in her seat and Emmett and Rose were taking theirs. Rosalie rolled her eyes a smile on her lips and Emmett was trying to hide his chuckle.

"I'm fine," I said and the man let me go.

He took the empty seat next to mine and I stood there stunned for a minute. Why was he…?

"Well, Bella, I'd like you to meet my brother, Edward but I think you already met him," Emmett said smiling. I stared at him for a second then I felt a blush take over my cheeks.

I took my seat next to the gorgeous man I could finally give a name too.

"Well I met her earlier today at Monday's. She tripped and I caught her," Edward said taking a sip of his wine while looking at me at the corner of his eyes.

I looked down on my lap waiting for Emmett to make a stupid remark but he didn't.

I looked up stunned to where he was reading the menu.

"What no remark?"

"Nah, I thought it was too easy," he said not looking up from his menu and I glared at him. Of course he would. When didn't I trip at work? I would have been fired if the manager wasn't so nice. She had to be the sweetest lady out there.

Alice smiled. "Well I'm Alice, and this is Jasper," Alice said introducing herself. "Edward and I'm sorry my brother was too rude to introduce us," Edward said reaching across the table to shake both their hands.

Alice just smiled and shrugged as to say he was excused.

"So were you at the Twilight Balls. I believe Rosalie told us you were but I don't think we met you there?" Alice asked and my head snapped up toward him.

"Um yes, Emmett dragged me along but I didn't stay long so I apologize," Edward said and my heart beat quickened. It _was_ him! I mean how many other guys had those amazing green eyes and the perfectly messy bronze hair and the heart stopping smile and the soft smooth voice.

I don't believe many people had all those quality and just happened to be at the Twilight Balls.

"Yes, Edward had places to go people to meet sorta stuff. But he got in a dance of two didn't you?" Emmett asked with a smile and my heart continued to beat faster and faster that it was starting to hurt my chest.

"Yes, I did, I might as well have enjoyed myself while I was there," he answered.

Alice eyes sparked as she looked at me and I glared at her. She opened her mouth to say something but before she did I kicked her and she groaned. Four head turned her way to see what was wrong but she straightened in her chair and forced a smile.

She shot a glare my way and then stood up. "Um, I have to go to the bathroom. Be right back" she said and as she went around the table she grabbed my arm and forced me out of my own seat. "I guess I have to go to," I mumbled to the table and quickly followed her. She dragged me into the bathroom and glared at me.

"Why the hell would you do that?! What if you missed my leg and hit my shoe. You would have broken the heel do you have any idea how much these cost?" she growled and I rolled my eyes. "And now I am going to have a bruise on my leg. That means no skirts!" she said looking at her leg.

"Besides isn't that the man at the Ball! You're Prince Charming?" she asked and I blushed. "Yes it is, but that doesn't mean you have to go and ask him questions or let him know who I am because I'm pretty sure he doesn't know who I am!" I shouted in a whisper.

"Well then tell him! You told me you guys almost kissed right? So he has to like you, just tell him?"

"I can't Alice. He liked me when I was…when I was Cinderbella, but now I have transformed yet again to just plain Jane. I can't just go and—"

"Bella, you are beautiful whether you're Cinderbella or just plain Bella. Stop putting yourself down," she said walked out the bathroom.

I sighed and looked at the mirror. I looked completely different than I did last night. My hair was down and straight not a hint of a curl in it. I didn't have a mask and my eyes were just plain brown no longer looking deep and bright.

I had transformed back to the servant girl. But I did remember in the fairy tale Prince Charming was still in love with Cinderella even when he found out she was a servant. But of course that only happened in fairy tales. Perhaps it was better if I came back to reality.

--

Dinner was nice as we chatted about small things. Edward was an intern in Chicago and his plans were to become a doctor. He wanted to travel to small countries and help fight diseases and sicknesses where there was little medical care. I was astonished.

This man was in angel in disguise. He was nothing like his burly brother and yet they were very much the same.

The more I learned about him the more and more interested I became.

"Well it was really nice seeing you again, Edward," I said with a smile as we got ready to leave. "Like wise, hopefully we'll be able to meet again?" he said and smiled. I felt a tingle of pleasure run down my back and nodded.

"Wow he is amazing!" Alice said as Jasper drove me home. "Yea, he really is," I said remembering the evening. "And he wants to see you again, how great is that! See I told you he liked you," She said turning around in her seat to look at me.

I couldn't help the grin that came over me.

"Yea maybe," I said and stared out the window toward the city.

o.0.o.0.o.0

I felt the sun hit my face and I groaned. I rolled over hoping to get some more sleep but I ended up hitting something.

I sat up so fast I made my head dizzy. "Oh good you're up," Alice chimed cheerfully as she placed the magazine she was looking at to the side,

"Alice! I gave you that key for emergencies, not so you can come and wake me up at—"I glanced at the clock, "7:30 in the morning on my day off!" I yelled and she simply smiled.

"Oh but Bella why waste the day in sleep, you'll have plenty of time for that when you're life is over," she chirped and I groaned as I lay back down and covered my face in a pillow. That was Alice for you, making death sound like a good thing.

"Come on sunshine the earth says hello," she said opening my blinds even more so the sunshine hit the bed.

"Close them Alice it burns," I gripped making the blanket come over my head.

"Please Bella; the sun is good for you. Stop acting like the undead," she said and walked out of my room. "If I was I would make sure you were the first person I sucked the blood from," I grumbled and got out of bed.

I really had to take that key away from her.

I dragged myself toward the kitchen and took a seat while Alice placed a warm cup of coffee in front of me. It smelled so good it almost wiped the bad mood away.

Almost.

"So why did you wake me up so early?" I asked taking a sip of my coffee.

"You know I really have no idea," she said taking the seat next to me and looking completely serious. I almost jumped her then.

I glared at her and she burst out laughing. "I'm just pulling your leg. I thought we could just hang out here and then go get some lunch. Technically I never woke you up. I was sitting waiting for you to wake up. You got up on your own," she said and took a sip of her coffee.

I opened my mouth to argue but I realized she was completely right. "So how long have you been here?" I questioned.

"Um since around six," she answered looking at her watch. Huh? Now I really had to take the key away I just had to come up with a plan on getting it away from her. The more I tried to think of a plan the more I decided it was better if I just changed the locks.

I glanced over at the women I called my best friend and she smiled at me as though she knew what I was thinking. She probably did. Yep I would really have to change the locks.

--

"I can't believe you let me come here?" I said with a grin as I walked along the row of books. Alice followed behind sourly. "Yea well I owed it to you," she sighed and pushed ahead of me.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to look at the magazines," she said and I smiled.

I continued to look at the books waiting for something to pop out at me. I was so wrapped up in what I was doing I didn't see where I was walking and didn't notice who was in front of me.

I bumped into a person and looked up. "I'm sorry," I said and looked to who I had bumped into and I felt a slow smile appear.

"I guess I should get use to it, but at least you didn't fall," Edward commented and I blushed. "I must have an angel looking out for me," I teased and he laughed.

He stared at me for a moment, a look of concentration forming on his face. "I'm sorry but you seem so familiar to me, like I met you some place before," he said quietly and I felt the blood rush to my face.

"Well I think—" I was getting ready to tell him before a pair of hands covered his eyes and a smile grew on his face.

"Guess who?" a voice said behind him and I begged it was just a friend.

"Ha ha very funny," Edward said and turned around exposing who had been behind him.

A woman stepped out from him and came to hug his arm. Her curly hair was placed in a low pony tail and a few curls that were too short to be but back were hanging in front of her face.

"Hey I remember you," she said brightly with a smile. She tried to put a curl behind her ear only to have it bounce back to her face. She held out her hand and I shook it. "I'm Tanya," she said and I forced a smile. "Bella," I said lamely.

The woman had rectangular glasses with a black frame on her and I internally groaned at how it made her look even more beautiful.

"Bella this is my Fiancée Tanya, Tanya this is one of my brother's friends, Bella," he said and I tried to keep the smile on my face.

"Wow nice to meet you. I'm sorry about having to run out yesterday but an emergency came up," she said and I nodded. "No problem," I said and swallowed. I wanted to cry. It figures a man like him wasn't single.

Better yet he had what looked like the perfect woman. She was beautiful and amazingly nice. I bet she was smart too.

"Well I have to go but it was nice meeting you again, Edward," I said a bit coldly as I walked away.

I didn't even bother to find Alice I was too angry. I walked out the small bookstore and the cold wind hit my face hard. I stood outside the bookstore waiting for Alice to realize I was gone when the doors opened.

Edward came out and looked around until he spotted me leaning against the brick wall.

"Bella did I do something wrong? You left rather abruptly and angrily" he asked and I looked up with fierce eyes.

"Do you absouletely love Tanya, Edward?" I asked.

"Of course I do!" he said a bit angry.

"Then why did you almost kiss me?"

"What are you talking about, I never—"

"Oh yes you did! The night of the ball you almost kissed me," I snapped and he looked stunned.

"That was you?" he asked eyes wide.

He opened his mouth to say something and just then the doors opened and Alice stepped out.

"It doesn't matter, Edward. I wasn't a big deal," I said quickly and pushed past him and grabbed a surprise Alice by the arm as I began to walk away from him.

I guess my Prince Charming had already found his Cinderella.

That was reality for you.

* * *

**Yay! I finally finished the chapter. Ooh so what do you think? I mean everyone makes Tanya to be this big witch but I thought it would be even juicer if she was like super nice and sweet. It would just make it that much worse. So anyway tell me how you like it please. **

**Funny Story:**

**You know I was hanging with my oldest nephew the other day. We had gone to the park and he is nine years old. But were at the park and his mom calls my cell phone asking to talk to him and I was like sure. So I give my nephew the phone and at the end of the conversation he says "Ya bye I love you too," and a jerk around my age goes to him and says "aww was that your mommy" in this big baby voice. I opened my mouth to defend my nephew but he beat me too it and was like "No it was yours," It was so funny. I was so proud of my nephew. The boy almost hurt him but I was there so he didn't make a move. But yea it was a proud moment for me. :'D**

**Anyway review for me please.**

**Lots of love Twilightholic-Tanya**


	4. No Chance

**Song Inspired Chapter: I Won't Say (I'm in love) –Disney **

**Don't ask I just like the song and it actually fits this chapter! :)**

* * *

"Don't you think this is something that we should go through together?" Alice asked as I pushed her out my door. "I'll get over it, _alone_, just give me time," I snapped still angry and was satisfied when I got her out the door and into the hall. I had told her I wasn't interested in my so called Prince Charming and said that he wasn't single. But now I wish I hadn't.

"Why? I think we should order some ice cream and just chat about his flaws" she asked with big sad eyes that only made me even angrier. I knew that she only wanted to help but right now I needed to blow off steam and if she was here I would only blow out steam at her. Besides Edward didn't have any flaws.

I didn't want to do anything to hurt her and she just had to understand that.

"Just please," I said and she shrugged as she started to walk down the hall to the stairs.

I closed the door and placed the deadbolt on. Just in case she decided to come back.

I sighed as I walked over to the couch and plopped myself down. It had only been five minutes before the phone started to ring. "Hello?" I said dully.

"Are you absolutely sure?" she asked and I growled.

"Okay just checking. But I'll be over around 7 so be ready for me,"

"Fine just leave me alone, I'll call you later," I said and hung up the phone. I laid back down hoping I could just be at peace.

I had four hours before she was supposed to come.

The phone started to ring and I let out a groan. What did she not understand about wanting to be left alone! She knew I wasn't in the mood.

"Jeez Alice I told you I'll call you later!" I growled into the phone and heard a soft chuckle.

"Alice did come across to me as a person that would be highly annoying and very loveable," the soft voice on the other line said. I held the phone to my ear stunned. Why was he calling me?

"E-Edward what? Why are you calling me?" I asked and heard another chuckle that made my chest pound. _Bella he is getting married! Your heart can't feel like that!_ I scolded myself. But it was no use I did.

"Well I wanted to apologize," he said his voice a bit strained and I could almost imagine him running his fingers through his perfectly soft hair only to have it plop back in his face. No I couldn't imagine him like that! Or any other way.

"How'd you get my number?" I blurted and then hit my forehead with the palm of my hand. Nice bella!

"Emmett gave me it, but I am really sorry for giving you any wrong impressions,"

"What! No you didn't give me any wrong impressions it was just I..." ugh! Real nice Bella what were you going to tell him! It was just that I absolute went head over heels for you and then found out you weren't single! That I wanted to live a fairy tale!

That would play over nicely!

"Well I guess the night at the dance I just got a little closer than I intended and well I..." _was stunned by my lips and just had to taste them_.

"It was because you extremely afraid of marriage and was looking for an outlet," I supplied in a sarcastically cheery voice although I wished the first on was real.

"Ye--no that wasn't it," he stumbled with his words and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Don't worry about it Edward! It was in the past," I said a grim tone coming over me. He sighed yet again and I really just wanted to hang up the phone at the moment.

"Um, look I really am sorry and I wanted to make it up to you. How about I take you to dinner?" he asked and I wanted nothing more to say yes but then it would feel like a date and I couldn't have that because he was off the market.

"Um you know I don't think that would--"

"Okay what if we just go for a walk?" he asked and I bit my lip. It was freezing cold out and the Chicago winds didn't really help either but on the other hand I would be with Edward...

"Sure why don't you meet me at Star Bucks and then you can buy me a coffee," I said a smile forming on my face. "That sounds great I'll meet you there"

I was stupid.

o.0.o.0.o.0

"So I guess what I witnessed was just a minor moment, right?" he said with a smile and I laughed. I had just finished telling him how I had tripped during a school play and had the princess's tower fall into the crowd. "Yea well I think I've grown better at balance since then, I was only in third grade." I said and took a sip of my coffee. The only thing keeping me warm at the moment. We were walking along the lake and it was even colder here.

But still it was a great sight. The beaches were empty and the lake glistened in the sunlight. A few bike riders or joggers would pass us every now and then but other than that were alone.

"I mean everyone has those moments don't they?" I asked and he smiled as he glanced down at me. "Yes, but not everyone has them as often as you do," he laughed and the blood heat up my cheeks. I felt an involuntary grin take over my face.

"Whoa, watch it," I heard a rough voice call and then Edward suddenly pulled me to him and my coffee stumbled out of my hands and toward the ground and I came chest to chest with him. a biker came rushing past where I just was and I turned my head turned to watch him ride away with out a look back.

I looked up at Edward and he looked down at me with a smile on his face. "See I told you," he whispered but I didn't say anything. I barely even realized he was talking. I was overcome by his eyes. They were amazing.

He still had a grasp on my arm and my head was telling me to back away but I couldn't. He was so warm against the freezing cold and further more I really just didn't want to move. He didn't take a step back either he just stared at me with those twinkling green eyes of his.

It wasn't fair.

"Oh how sweet," I heard a soft mumble and I snapped out of it. I no longer felt warm but more freezing cold and I backed away and looked around to see where the voice came to see an elderly woman looking at us.

She had a coat and hat on to help protect her from the cold. She smiled at me. "What I wouldn't give to have my Russell hold me like that again. Enjoy every minute of it while you have it because it can be gone in a spilt second," she said to me and I looked at her confused.

She turned to Edward and looked him up and down with a critical eye. "You make sure you take care of her. Don't for one minute make her feel unappreciated," she scolded him and my mind was trying to register what she was talking about.

"Oh we're not--" but my words were cut off as Edward wrapped an arm around my waist and brought me closer to his side. "Will do M'am." he said with a smile and the woman's eyes brightened as she walked away from us. I stood stunned for a moment. Then I pulled away from him and looked at him with a glare.

"Why would you do that?" I asked and stared at the woman's back.

"Oh come on, let her enjoy her memories, no point in busting her bubble," he said and I smiled. "Yea I guess your right," I said with a sigh as I walked forward.

He followed besides me and laughed.

"What's so funny?" I asked and he looked ahead. "It's just that...I mean she was right. Life goes by so fast and you can never know when it changes. It'll just change like a photo going to color after it's been black and white for forever or vice versa. I mean you really have to enjoy life and the people you spend it with," he said and looked at me.

"Ya, you have to make sure you have no regrets and just live as happily as you can with the people you love," I said staring at his eyes. I had stopped walking and so had he.

"Right. Have no regrets," he said and pushed a lock of my hair behind my ears.

I was getting too wrapped up in this. It felt too romantic, too intimate and that was bad because it would never work out like that for us. Ever.

"So when did you meet Tanya?" I asked while starting the walk again. It would help to be reminded he loved someone else.

"About two years ago. We met and hit it off. Ever since then it was just has been a roller coaster," he said with a smile. God here I was falling for a guy that was already in love. I was horrible.

"So how did you propose?" I asked not able to picture him proposing to another girl. To any girl.

"Well I just sort of spit it out. we were taking a walk one night and randomly just took her shoulders with out another thought in my head just acting on impulse and said "Marry me," and she kissed me." he said the smile slowly fading. I felt my heart jump to my throat and I looked away back to the lake. "Sounds really romantic," I said in a sarcastic tone.

"Well being under the Eifel tower helped," he said nonchalantly and I turned to him with wide eyes. He laughed at my expression. "We took a walk in Paris, I thought it would be the perfect place, because after all it is the city of romance," he said and I looked away from him yet again.

It was sick to watch them. First he is the perfect guy and then she is the perfect girl and then what's worse they're together. And soon to become Mr. and Mrs. Perfect. I mean they had the perfect proposal. How amazing is that to be proposed underneath the Eifel tower.

I shook my head. I could only wonder if I would ever find a guy like that. I hoped so.

"So what about you? Any one special in your life?" he asked and I sighed. "No, not yet. But maybe someday, when I meet the perfect guy...that's single," I muttered the last part under my breath.

"You will," he said as though it was obvious. "How do you know?" I asked and turned my head to face him and he shrugged. "You're a great girl. You'll find someone," he said giving me a smile. "Yea right," I huffed and he chuckled softly. "You'll see. He'll pop out of no where," he said and coughed.

"I think we better go before we get sick," I suggested. "Yea your right," he said and we walked back to his car.

--

I sighed and closed the door behind me as I leaned against it. "Get a grip Bella," I muttered to myself.

"Get a grip on what?" a deep voice called from the kitchen and I jumped. "Jake!" I called and made my way to the kitchen where my best guy friend was raiding my fridge.

"You need food!" he grumbled and I sighed. "Now I know I didn't give you a key to my house,"

"No, Alice is with me," he said matter of factly and Alice came out of the bathroom. She had a handful of my make up with her as she walked to the garbage and threw them all out.

"What why did you do that?" I asked and stared at the garbage horrified but she just stared at me like I had two heads.

"Whoa you're awfully nice today. I would have thought you would have jumped her right then," Jacob said and I looked to see him stuffing his face with one of my fruit cups. "Yes, it's because our little Bella has a crush," Alice said and Jake looked at me with an eyebrow raised.

Jacob already had a girlfriend but that didn't stop him from spending time at my house. Especially since she was out of town at the moment.

"I do not," I bit out harshly but Alice only smiled and shared a knowing look with Jacob. "You are defensive," he said pointing the fork at me. I gapped at both of them.

"I...ugh you guys are horrible. I don't have a crush on anyone," I said and made my way to the bedroom only to have them following me.

"Bella you're practically glowing. You are more than just crushing someone, you're in love with them," Alice said as I took off my shoes and jacket. She made her way to my bed and sat down.

"Alice I can assure you right now. I do not love h--anyone," I said catching myself.

"Oh did you hear that she almost said him. So she so has someone," Jake said and I swore I could have hurt him at the moment.

Alice smiled and looked at me. I stared her down but she didn't even blink. "So who is he Bella? I would have thought it might be Edward but Emmett told me he had a fiancée and you said you were over him, so spill," she said and I felt my cheeks go bright red at the mention of his name.

Her eyes widened and Jacob spilled the fruit he had in his mouth all over the floor. "Eew Jake that's gross," I complained but he just continued coughing. "You're in love with a married man. You little harpy," he accused when he could finally talk.

"He is not married!" I defended.

"He is not single either," Alice threw in.

"I never said I was in love with him. He's a great guy but I'm not in love, he's only a friend" I shouted and they stared at me. Jake shook his head and left the room but Alice continued to stare at me while sitting on the bed.

"Jake you better clean that up!" I shouted.

"Sure, sure," he said and I sighed as I sunk to the floor.

"Bella, be careful, and remember that he is not single. I don't want to see you hurt," Alice said before she left the room.

I wasn't in love why would they think that.

I was such a liar. I had never felt this way about a guy before and my stomach was in knots. My heart pounded in my chest at just the thought of him. They were right.

I was scared because Jake was right. I was a harpy.

But what did it matter if I fell in love. It wasn't like I could split them apart or even make a small crack in there relationship.

The only one getting hurt would be me.

* * *

**Okay so I hope you like it. Review for me if you did or review for me if you didn't. Just review please.**

**Another funny story:**

**Okay well yesterday while I was taking my dogs out I was hanging with two of my nephews. One who is 5 and the other who is 2. so anyway I took the dogs out and I was watching them threw the screen door and I see this huge black bug! It was like a spider with wings. So I start screaming "kill it, kill it," and I back away from the door. My 5 year old nephew takes off his sandal and smacks the bug. It falls to the floor but it was still alive so I am still screaming for him to kill it but he backs away from it and goes, "you kill it," and then I was like "You have the sandals," and so we start arguing. My 2 year old nephew who was quiet the whole time take the show from his older brother and goes, "I kill it," and he starts banging on the bug until he made it like juice. It was funny and disgusting at the same time. **

**Sorry but I have a deathly fear of bugs. Don't judge me I bet you have that one thing that your deathly scared of! Confess tell me what it is! **


	5. Masochistic

Waiting for twilight

**Song Inspired Chapter: Why Can't I? – Liz Phair**

**I think this one fits the chapter too. **

* * *

After Edward and I had our walk he invited me to go out with him again only this time he brought Tanya. Which I guess was good because it reminded me that he was already taken and made it seem more like hanging out with friends rather than just the two us.

I liked Tanya. She was overly sweet and funny. She was also impossibly perfect. She volunteered at an animal shelter and donated money to children in need. She was also loaded but it was still a nice act.

She was worst than a Cinderella she was more like a Snow White. Snow White had always been one of my favorite princesses but now I had to say she was at the bottom of my favorite list.

But I was scared because every minute I spent with Edward the more I learned and the more I was falling for him. I refused to believe I was in love. Because I wasn't.

Well that was what I thought.

It had been two weeks after that walk and the encounter with Alice and Jake. I spent more and more time with Edward and sometimes Tanya, depending if she could come or not.

Tanya couldn't make it so it was just me and Edward and we had decided to take a walk. Even though the weather was still cold I never felt it. I was always warm.

Edward and I walked along the sandy beaches by the lake careful to stay away from the waters edge. It was far too cold to be even a little wet.

"I've missed being in the city," he said softly as he took a seat in the sand. I followed his movements and looked out over the lake. The sun wasn't setting quite yet but you could see darkness approaching.

It was a beautiful sight.

"Is Tanya from the city as well?" I asked burying my hands in the cold stiff sand.

"No, but she loves being here just as well," he answered. I kept mentioning Tanya because it was a reminder to me. It was a reminder not to think of this any other way than being friends.

"Hmm…" I hummed quietly as I looked out over the lake.

"I really do enjoy hanging out with you Bella," Edward said and I looked at him to see him staring at me with a smile on his face. I met his smile with one of my own.

"So do I," _More than you could imagine_

"So were you born in the city or what? You don't talk much about yourself,"

"No I was born in a town called Forks. But my mother moved away to Phoenix when I was little. When I was around 17 I moved back to live with my dad. Then when I finished high school I came here. I've been living here for about three years," I explained. "Forks, Washington?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

I nodded and he laughed.

"I lived there for my teenage years as well. Although we moved back to the city when I was 16 so I guess I missed you by a year," he said.

"What a shame," I sighed. It was then I realized I wasn't supposed to say that aloud.

I stole a glance at him to see him staring intently at the lake his bright eyes narrowed. "Yea it is," he breathed so softly I almost didn't hear it. My heart thumped unevenly. That wasn't fair he wasn't supposed to say those things and not be single!

"So um, you and Tanya have been together for awhile. When did you know it was love?" I asked. Anything to keep me from pulling his beautiful face toward mine and kissing his perfect lips. The smooth kiss I had never gotten.

"I have no idea. I guess that sort of stuff just sort of happens and you just know," he said and turned his head to face me.

"So when did you just know?"

"I can't explain. The first time I told her we had been going out for a few months and I suddenly realized that I was in love with her and I just sort of blurted it out. I didn't think it through I just said it," he whispered never looking away from my eyes.

I realized we were talking about him telling his girlfriend he loved her but it was vaguely there.

"Yea, because when you realize it you sorta got to get it out there. You can't just hold it in because then it would be too late and the moment slips away," I whispered not wanting to talk too loud afraid that I would break the glass bubble that I suddenly found us in.

We were also very close. A little too close but I couldn't pull away.

"Exactly and if it slips away you could regret it for the rest of your life, because those amazing three words can change the world," he said just as softly as though he knew about the bubble.

He leaned in closer and I couldn't help but do it too. It was like he was the magnet and I was the metal. It was involuntary. I had no control.

"Exactly," I breathed. We were so close I could feel his warm breath on my tongue. I could taste his lips. Just a little closer and we would be…then he pulled away.

He hugged his knees and looked out at the ocean. The wind hit my face cold and strong and stung my eyes. The bubble had burst.

I swallowed hard and hugged myself in the cold.

"Yea, and once you say those words it sort of goes down hill from there," he said coughing slightly. His cheeks were pink and I couldn't imagine that he was blushing.

"Wow, the weather sure is cold," I said still very embarrassed about what had just happened. Was he about to kiss me? Did he want to or was it getting a little to close?

He pulled away and so I figured he didn't want me the same way I wanted him.

"So when's the wedding?" I asked and he looked at me. "What?"

"When's the wedding?" I repeated and he smiled as he lifted himself off the ground. He offered me his hand and I took it as I pulled myself to my feet. "She wants a summer wedding so around August if not September," he told me and I smiled.

I myself had always wanted a spring wedding.

"Well I guess she's going crazy planning everything," I said imagining someone with her kind of money wanted a fancy wedding. Edward had money too, but he didn't seem like the type who wanted big and expensive things. Tanya on the other hand looked as though she wanted the perfect wedding.

Why wouldn't she? She already had the perfect man.

"Yes, well she has one of the best wedding planners so I think there doing a great job," he said and I laughed at his tone.

"Do you imagine spending you whole life with her?" I asked out of nowhere. I was surprised at my words but they were already out there and I couldn't take it back.

"I-I don't know. I use too, but sometimes the future isn't suppose to seen right? There are so many twists and turns that you shouldn't try to look ahead. You should just enjoy the moment. I've never really been with someone where I could see our whole future planned out," he said staring straight ahead as we walked toward his car.

"Have you met anyone that you could imagine a future together?" he asked and I shook my head. "No, but I think when I meet the person that takes my breath away and makes my heart pound every time I see them then that will be the person I could see a future with," I said and he laughed.

I loved his laugh. "Do you really believe you'll find someone like that?" he asked.

"Yes I do," _Because I've already met him_.

"Well I hope you find him then. He will be very special," he said a soft smile playing on his lips.

"So don't you ever feel that way with Tanya?"

"Do you believe in finding a soul mate?" he asked avoiding my question.

"Yea, I believe there is someone out there that was made for you. Why do you ask?" I questioned wondering why he would bring this up.

"So do you believe in finding the love of you life or true love?" he asked again not looking at me. "Yes, I do. I'm just a sap like that though."

"But do you think they could be different people?" he asked and finally looking at me. What was he leading to…?

"I think they should be the same person," I said finally after a long silence had come between us. I looked away from his bright green eyes and stared down at my feet.

"So do I," he mumbled.

"Was there a reason you asked?" I looked up at him.

He just looked at me and smiled but I never got and answer to that question.

--

"He drives me crazy!" I grumbled as I sat in my bed.

"Well, why do you think that is," Alice asked as she braided my hair. "I have no idea, do you really think this could be love?" I asked her and placed a hand over my thumping heart because of who we were talking of.

"Bella I can't tell you what you're feeling, but I can warn you. Love hurts Bella, and you're only feeling the sting. Sooner or later you're gonna feel the bite!" she said and tied my hair up with a rubber band.

I turned to face her.

"Alice if I could help it. If I could stop the feelings that rushed through me when ever I saw him I would. I would give it all up but I can't. I hate the way my breath stutters and my heart thumps because he looked at me. I hate the way I love being near him. I hate that I'm jealous of Tanya but if I could I would change it. I can't help myself," I sighed and fell back onto the pillows.

"Why don't we get a whole bunch of old fashioned romance movies and bury ourselves in chocolate as we eat them?" she asked and I laughed. "Throw in some popcorn and I am so there,"

Alice hit me with a pillow and got off the bed to head into the kitchen.

This wasn't right. I wasn't supposed to be happy when Tanya wasn't around and I wasn't supposed to be happy when I was absolutely alone with him. I wasn't supposed to hope he felt the same way. I wasn't supposed to, but I did.

And I lied to Alice. I wouldn't change it for the world, despite the pain it might bring.

I was masochistic.

* * *

**WOW! Breaking Dawn comes out tomorrow. How many people are excited? Well I won't be here tomorrow because I have a dentist appointment and then I'll be reading all day! Okay so how do you like the story so far! Please review and tell me. **

**I have no funny story to share today. **

**Oh and by the way these are the people who were brave enough to tell me what there scared of!**

**! **_**CathyD**_

**! **_**evrythinued**_

**! **_**Bookworm290**_

**! **_**Betting On Edward**_

**You go guys! I was just wondering, how many people will be reading and writing fanfics for Twilight after Breaking Dawn come out? I will still be doing this but I'm curios as to how many people will stop and how many people will still read and write. Well anyway don't forget to review. **


	6. Truth Hurts

Waiting for twilight

**Okay guys sorry it took me a while but after I finished Breaking Dawn (which I finished in 26 hours Inc: breaks) I needed some recovery time. You know like to heal after everything that happened. I won't spoil anything for those who haven't read it but it is like WOW! I loved it! Anyway I'm glad that my characters are not out of character. Like Tanya! Well we can finally put a face to the lovely name (lol). I'm glad that my description of her is somewhat right so anyway here is the next chapter!**

* * *

**Song inspired chapter: Obsession (No Es Amor)-Frankie J ft. Baby Bash (or the Spanish version by Aventura)  
I think it fits!**

* * *

March turned into April and before I knew it I was in love with Edward Cullen. I couldn't help myself! The more time I spent with him the deeper in love I became. It was like we were made for each other but he had already found his puzzle piece.

"And then I just spilled all of his books on the ground," Tanya said as she took a sip of her wine.

Alice had decided we all go out for dinner. So I was sitting at a table with Jasper, Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, Edward and the one and only Tanya. But I didn't feel awkward because Jake had come with me.

Jake was a great friend and he pretended to act as my date for the night.

Tanya was telling us on how they had met. I was surprised I had never asked Edward that question but I knew Tanya as much as Edward did. I would constantly bring her up to remind myself that he wasn't single.

"I still wonder if you did it on purpose," Edward hummed and Tanya blushed as she flipped a curl behind her shoulder. I felt a pang of jealousy take over and shoot straight to my heart. It made me feel sick and angry at the same time.

I looked toward my food and pushed it around me plate.

Jake placed a hand on my knee and squeezed it in a comforting way. I looked up to see him smile at me.

I sighed and looked over at the happy couple. Edward was staring at me and Jake as he took a sip of his wine.

He cleared his throat and then asked, "So Jacob what do you do for a living?"

"I work at a mechanic shop. My father owns the place," Jacob said without missing a beat.

"Jacob is the best mechanic I know. He's also very trustworthy," I threw in.

"Yep, he may be the only person I trust with my car," Emmett said. Rosalie glared at him and smacked his head. "Glad I'm not trustworthy," she growled and Emmett's eyes widened as he realized what he said.

"I meant like a mechanic shop, not a person. I'm sorry, Babe" Emmett hurried to explain but Rosalie only rolled her eyes. "We'll see how sorry you'll be," she mumbled and Emmett smiled as he leaned over to whisper something in her ear.

"Guys not at dinner," Alice scolded.

I laughed and glanced over at Edward where he had a full blown smile on his face. He looked over at me and smirked. I blushed and looked away.

Jacob's phone rang and I jumped. He took out his phone and looked at the number. His brow furrowed and he leaned down. "It's Lizze, I have to take this," he whispered and stood up to leave the table.

"So Bella how did you and Jacob meet?" Tanya asked her pretty blue eyes sparked with excitement.

"Alice set us up. I've known Jake for about a year now," I explained.

"I never thought you'd be one for blind dates," Edward said with his heart pounding smile. It wasn't fair. Why did he have to have such a great smile? I couldn't answer because my breath was sucked out of me the minute he smiled,

"Oh she's not. I had to drag her and basically tie her to the chair until Jake came," Alice said rescuing me. I glanced over at her where she was smiling but her eyes were hard as she looked at me.

"Yea, I was protesting the whole time but once I met Jake it was easy to be around him. We went so well together like peanut butter and jelly," I said trying to smile. Emmett starting laughing so hard the table was shaking. Six heads turned his way to watch.

He cleared his throat and tried to control his laughter because we weren't the only one staring at him, now. He looked at us with wide innocent brown eyes. "What? I just _really_ like peanut butter," he said and a slow grin spread across his face. Rosalie's face turned pink and she looked away from him toward her food.

"Eew," Alice said staring at the couple. "I'll never be able to eat peanut butter again."

It was too much. I started to laugh. I wasn't long before I felt the table joining me.

"So Bella I wanted to ask you something. Since the wedding is still months away and stuff I was hoping you could be one of my bride's maids? I mean we spent so much time together and I was just hoping that maybe…"

I was stunned. That was nice I was going to be a bride's maid to the bride who was marrying the man I loved. I had to say something and quick.

"Wow I would love to Tanya," I said still slightly stunned. Tanya's face lit with a smile and she clapped her hands. "Oh thank you Bella," she said her voice all but musical with the joy. I smiled the best I could and felt a warm hand on my shoulder.

"Hey what I miss," Jacob asked as he took his seat next to me. "Bella just accepted to be my bride's maid," Tanya informed him with a smile. "Oh, how…nice," Jacob supplied and I felt him squeeze my shoulder. I didn't really know where I was anymore. I heard sounds and laughter but I was stunned. It was like I finally understood what was happening. I finally accepted the truth because now there was no way to avoid it.

The man I loved. Yes loved because there was no other way to explain the feelings I had for him. No other way to explain the way I lost my breath when he smiled or my heart picked up it paced when he touched me. No other way to explain why I couldn't get to sleep because I wanted to be with him. I wanted to see him again and it haunted my dreams not letting me sleep. But the man I loved was getting married. _Married_!

It was wrong to love him but you couldn't choose who you loved. He was going to get married and I was going to be a bride's maid. I was going to watch him promise to stay with another girl until death did them part!

I was finally hit with the truth and brought back to the real world. I felt as though someone had kicked me in the gut.

I wanted to think that maybe I could have avoided this pain but the truth was the only way to have avoided it was by not meeting Edward at all. As cliché it may sound I had fallen in love with Edward as soon as I met him. Even though I had never believed in love at first sight it had happened to me.

"Bella, Bella!" I heard a voice called and I was suddenly pulled back into my body. Like stretching a rubber band.

I looked around to see seven pairs of eyes on me. I smiled sheepishly and coughed as my cheeks went red. "Having peanut butter fantasies of your own, Bella?" Emmett asked and broke out into a laugh and I glared at him.

"Enough Emmett! People actually want to enjoy there food!" Edward bit out.

Emmett held put his hands up and smiled.

"What was he talking about?" Jacob whispered in my ear and I blushed remembering. "You don't want to know," I said softly as I picked up my fork and began to eat.

--

"I'm glad you said yes. It means a lot to Tanya," Edward said as we walked along the city.

Tanya had gotten a call from her father and had to leave right after dinner. Jacob left because Lizzie had needed him to help with something and when we left the restaurant Edward asked if I would walk with him. I said yes of course and said my good byes to the rest of the group. I was glad to get rid of Emmett.

We walked along the city's sidewalk and I wasn't surprised to see that the sidewalks weren't empty. We ran into groups of people and couples.

The weather had gotten slightly warmer. I was glad for the change. Although the winds were still strong they weren't as cold as they were in March.

"You don't have to worry about anything. We would gladly pay the expense for the wedding," he said and I nodded. I kept my hands in my pocket and my gaze straight ahead.

I couldn't meet his eyes.

He placed a hand on my shoulder and turned me to face him. I kept my eyes on the ground and he sighed.

"Bella is something wrong? You're driving me crazy?" he said and I looked up to see his green eyes filled with worry. That hurt even more because I knew that he cared for me. Perhaps even loved me, but as a friend and nothing more and that tore my heart apart.

"I'm fine just feeling a little sick," I said and he raised an eyebrow. "Do you want to go home? Maybe our little walks have finally gotten to you?" he said with a laugh and placed a hand on my forehead. "You don't feel warm," he mumbled and I reached for his hand. I held it in mine and took it away from my forehead.

I held it in mine and enjoyed the warm feeling of it.

"I'm fine." I said and began to walk. He followed and I realized I was still holding his hand.

He didn't pull away he grasped mine and we continued to walk holding hands. Perhaps looking like a couple but feeling the farthest thing from it.

"So didn't I tell you, you would find some special," he asked his voice a bit rough.

"What do you mean?"

"Well you and Jacob seem…" he trailed off.

"It isn't—"

"I mean I am disappointed. I would have thought you would have told me you were dating, I mean if you knew him for over a year," he continued on and I stared at him. Was he jealous?

"Jake, is just a friend. He has a girlfriend already," I said softly and Edward looked down at me. "Really?"

"Really. He came with me as my date but I only feel friendship toward him," I said still not looking at him.

"You would fool anyone. You guys look like a happy couple," he whispered.

"Yea, well were only friends. I mean we did try the romantic relationship for a while but I just… I couldn't feel it. After a while we sorta just turned into friends. He met Lizzie, and things seemed a lot less awkward and more comfortable," I explained.

"Oh,"

"So you must be happy. The wedding approaching sooner and sooner," I teased knowing he was worried about the wedding.

"Yea, I'm so happy," he said rolling his eyes.

"The nerves will go away and everything will seem right. Trust me," I said and he laughed.

"I hope your right. Bella I just wanted to say that…I wanted to thank you for being such a good friend. I mean I know we sort of started out…in an awkward position, but I was glad we were able to move past it because you've become a real big part of my life. I'm glad I have you as a friend and looking back I'm glad I did everything I did, because it brought us together," he said the words with such strong meaning I felt like crying.

"Oh Edward," I sighed and threw my hands over his neck as I brought him in for a hug. Edward wrapped his arms around my waist and gave me a tight squeeze before letting go. I backed away from him and smiled.

"I feel the same way. I'm glad you are a part of my life as well," I said and smiled.

He smiled and his green eyes twinkled in the city lights and I felt truth in my words.

Even if Edward didn't love me the same way I loved him I knew he loved me. I could live with that for now. I _had_ to live with that because it wouldn't ever change.

He took my hand once more and we began our walk through the city again and despite the cold winds, I felt warm.

But how long would that last before I felt cold again?

* * *

**Okay so thanks for the reviews! I love them and make sure to give me more. I am sorry for the wait but after the recovery stage I got this really cool idea for a new story! not a Fanfic but one that was with MY chracters. so i had to write it down before i forgot. i finished the first chapter! **

**Okay well I got a couple more brave people telling me what they were scared of so I'm going to post them**

**!. ****Aliya Regatti  
**!.** babyboo40794****  
**!. xXBleedingCrimsonXx  
**Thanks for being brave guys!**

**Okay I was wondering what is you favorite baseball team? I mean what team do you support? I am a CHICAGO WHITE SOX fan. I love them. But I was wondering what is you baseball team?**

**Well anyway review for me and tell me what you think.**

**Lots of Love Twilightolic-Tanya! GO WHITE SOX! :D**


	7. Falling to Pieces

**Thanks for everyone who gave me there team. You'll see why I asked in this chapter. **

* * *

**Song inspired chapter: Kiss the Girl – Ashley Tisdale  
again don't ask! It sorta fits the chapter do why ask questions.**

* * *

"So has Alice asked you yet?" Edward said softly as we walked down the halls of the museum. It was Edward's idea to come here and I couldn't help but say I loved it.

Edward had decided to take me and Tanya to the Art Istitute of Chicago. (_a/n: I've been there. on a school trip tho)_

I couldn't believe I had never visited this place before. Tanya had been with us but had to dash off as usual because of wedding arrangements. All she did was meet up with the wedding planner and then solve whatever problem they were having and come right back.

Edward had been showing me around the city. I mean I had of course lived here and he was the one away but he had lived here longer and knew it inside and out. He showed me his favorite places and we had fun. Tanya came with us and it hurt to see them acting like a couple and me feeling like the third wheel.

Tanya was overly nice trying to make it into a friendship thing and sometimes she wouldn't even touch Edward. She would hold his hand but she never showed real intimate gestures to him. That was when I wasn't around. When I had gone to the rest room or left them alone for some reason I knew she would place kisses on his face or tassel his amazing bronze locks.

"No, tell me what?" I asked as I stared at a painting trying to get the memories of them together out of my head. I knew the painting well. I loved the colors and the happy free willed feeling it gave me but I also noticed just now that it brought a bit of sadness to me.

I studied the paint strokes of the night sky as they curled reminding me of the ocean. The bright yellow colors against the pale blue.

"Well, Emmett of course wants to go to a baseball game. Rosalie is going with him and Tanya was suppose to as well, but she—"

"Can't make it," I finished still looking at the painting.

"Yes, and I was wondering if you would come," he asked and my head snapped his way.

"Why…me?"

"Because well you're the only one who isn't going to come," he said and I looked at him stunned. "Alice and Jasper are coming as well?" I asked amazed Alice hadn't told me of the plans.

"Yes, I still can't believe she hasn't told you," he said. Why hadn't Alice told me? Better yet why hadn't she included me on the plans? Alice included me in everything! Even things I didn't want any part of.

I felt hurt.

I turned my eyes back toward the painting and away from his eyes. I stared at the painting but I wasn't really seeing it.

"Um…sure I'll come," I said softly. "Thank you. At least a ticket doesn't go to waste," he sighed and I nodded. "Alice said that you wouldn't want to come. That you hated sports," he said and I looked at him.

I smiled and laughed. "I do, but I hate playing them and watching them, but that's cause I never know what's going on. But maybe this will be different," I said a slow smile spread across his face. "It will be. I'll help you with everything you don't understand," he said and I knew that this would be fun but only because he would be there.

Suddenly a low ringing sound broke the silence we had settled into and Edward opened his phone.

I tried not to hear the conversation because if it was who I thought it was; the ending of the conversation would be painful.

Again I tried to go into a bubble and only pay attention to the painting in front of me. The houses and the blue sky with the yellow stars standing out among everything. I was glad because it worked and I only heard a soft mumbling but as it came near the end. The words I hoped to block out broke through my bubble like arrows hitting me straight in the chest.

"I love you too, bye," Edward murmured and I suddenly tried to swallow over the lump of cotton that had formed in my throat.

I didn't turn to him; I was pretending I hadn't heard a thing. He placed a hand on my shoulder and whispered in my ear, "Tanya needs me. We have to break this short. I'm sorry."

"No it's fine. I mean you do have a wedding coming up," I said and smiled my best smile toward him. He rolled his eyes and we began to walk out of the museum and toward his car.

--

"Alice!" I shouted when I opened my apartment door. I wasn't expecting her, or did she have the right to be in my house but I knew she was. She was always in my house. If jasper was busy she was with me!

Or alone at _my_ apartment!

"In the bedroom," I heard her mumble and sighed. Of course I was hoping that maybe she wouldn't be here but it didn't matter. I wanted to ask her something anyway.

I walked to my bedroom and leaned against the door frame crossing my arms in front of my chest. Alice was raiding my closet pulling out clothes and throwing them in a pile.

I didn't mind, I needed to get rid of clothes that no longer fit me anyway and that was exactly what she was doing. I was glad she would keep my favorites but by getting rid of old clothes meant she planned for a shopping trip. I hated her shopping trips.

"So, you made plans to go to a baseball game and you didn't even tell me," I said softly and Alice stopped digging through my closet.

"Well it was a couple things and I didn't want to make you feel bad. Besides, your going now, aren't you?" she asked.

"Please, you drag me to tons of stuff when it was only Emmett, Rose, Jasper and you. It never bothered you before that I was the fifth wheel!" I snapped.

"Bella I—"

"Yes, you did drag me along on everything the two lovely couple's did, but now you're trying to tell me that because there are three couples all of a sudden you don't want to make me feel bad! Pick another excuse Alice because that one was bull crap and you know it!" I shouted and she looked at me coldly.

"I don't have to explain myself," she said with ice in her voice as she made her way toward me. I blocked her way out of the bedroom she took a step back and glared at me. Her gaze was so cold I was surprised I didn't turn to ice.

"Why didn't you want me to go Alice?" I said softer this time in such a soft whisper that I knew it would kill her to keep the reason away from me. I looked down at me feet and she sighed.

"You hate sports. You wouldn't have had fun anyway," she said her voice still cold and my head snapped up.

"Oh and I don't hate dancing! You took me to the stupid Twilight Balls knowing I hate dancing, that didn't stop you did it! Admit it Alice, tell me why you didn't want me to go." I said hotly.

"Bella move so I can leave. I'm not going to deal with this," she said and tried to move past me but I wasn't having that.

"Just spit it out Alice! You didn't want me to come because Tanya was going to be there right! Because Tanya and _Edward_ were going to be there. Right?!" I shouted.

"Yes, okay. I didn't invite you because I didn't want to see my best friend get hurt! Oh it is such a crime I deserve the death penalty. Please by all means Bella, take me away," she bit out sarcastically and held out her hands toward me as to show I could put her in handcuffs.

"No, it wasn't a bad thing, but making plans behind your so called best friend's back is," I said in a soft whisper and stormed out of my room. I didn't want to see her and if that meant leaving my apartment than so be it.

"Bella wait!" Alice said behind me and grabbed my shoulder before I even opened the door.

"Look, first you shouldn't be the one leaving, it should be me and second I would really just like to settle things between us," she said and I sighed.

I turned to face her and she smiled sheepishly.

"I know what I did was wrong but it was just something that happened. Emmett wanted to go to a game and so he invited us. I thought about the dinner and how much pain I saw in your eyes and I thought about every time he says bye to Tanya on _the phone_ you look like your about to cry. I thought about all of it and I _thought_ it would be better if you didn't come. Besides you hate sports," she added and I just glared at her.

"But you shouldn't have kept it away from me either. Look Alice I fell in love with a soon to be married man, it was _me_ who fell in love and you got to let me take care of my own problems okay," I said and she sighed.

"Okay."

I looked away from her and took a deep breath trying to calm myself.

Then I turned toward her and smiled. "You know what, I'm hungry."

She smiled and laughed. She grabbed my hand and led me to the kitchen where we spent the rest of the evening talking and giggling like school girls.

o.0.o.0.o.0

_(A/N: there at a White Sox game cuz I'm biased!_)

Edward was right. It wasn't so bad. He explained most of the rules to me and told me why everyone was booing or cheering. Around the 5th inning I was standing and cheering with the rest of the crowd.

It was 4 to 2 and so far the White Sox were winning.

Emmett was beyond happy. When it came to sports he was the biggest fan of all of Chicago's teams. That included the soccer team, the football team and the hockey team.

The whether was nice and warm but I still wore a sweater. We had great seats that were close to the field. Emmett had caught a foul ball during the beginning of the game and was as happy and giddy as a child would be. I smiled at the memory.

"See I told you," Edward said and smiled. I looked at him and laughed.

"Yea, well it's better when someone actually tells me what's happening," I said and poked Alice's ribs. She pushed my hand away and rolled her eyes. "I'm sorry but it gets annoying," she said re-adjusting her hat. I laughed again feeling giddy. Suddenly the crowd around us came to their feet and applauded. There were lots of screams and cheers. I stood to see that the sox had scored yet another homerun. Fire crackers blasted in the air.

I clapped and screamed with the rest of them. I couldn't believe I was having this much fun. _At a baseball game!_

Emmett was dying to be in the audience camera. I watched the screen while the game went to a commercial to see the camera landing on a couple and then they kissed.

"Ooh look there doing the kissing cam!" Alice squealed and pointed toward the screen.

"The what?" It wasn't a surprise that I wasn't use to baseball games. I had been to a few but this was my first one in years.

"If the camera lands on you, you kiss," Alice explained and I turned my head to the screen once more. There were teens and middle age couples. There were young couples and every time they saw themselves in the camera they kissed and didn't break away.

I suddenly had a deep drop in my gut. With my luck I knew this wasn't going to be nice.

I mean the camera had come close to us but was a bleacher away.

I could already—

"Bella look," Alice screeched and I turned to see Edward and I had been put on the screen.

I looked toward Edward and he laughed as he leaned down.

Wait! Was he really going to kiss me!

Then everything seemed to change. I was in a trance. Time made no sense anymore. Everything changed and I saw everything with a haze except for Edward. Edward was crystal clear and sharper than any thing else.

He leaned down and placed a kiss on the corner of my lips so that it would look like he kissed me but he hadn't.

My heart slowed and I felt a bit disappointed. He pulled away but at the same time I turned and our lips met.

It was like I had a shock run through my body. Every sense was on fire and it was no longer a promise of a smooth kiss it was the real thing.

His lips were soft and warm and tasted so sweet. Maybe it was my imagination but I could have sworn that Edward had kissed me back.

I could have sworn I felt a bit more pressure on my lips and a soft movement of his but then it was over before I could confirm it.

Edward pulled away his eyes wide and I'm sure mine were too. The moment had seemed like forever but in reality it was only a couple seconds. The best couple of seconds of my life!

My heart was still pounding and my breathing was ragged.

"Bella I am so sorry I didn't me—"

"No I'm fine Edward. It was my fault I turned when— it was an accident I'm sorry," I said and he smiled but his eyes still held shock. I turned to our group to see them staring at me with wide eyes and jaws dropped. Was the kiss _that_ noticeable?

Emmett was the only one not looking at us. He was paying attention to the game which had started yet again.

My face slowly turned red and I buried my self in the seat.

I was in trouble now because not only did I love him, I had kissed him!

I had a small taste of what could be and I wanted it. I wanted all of it. I wanted him! The only thing that stopped me from having it was the fact that I couldn't. I couldn't have any of it. I couldn't have him.

The fact ran through me so hard it made me shake. I stood up abruptly.

"Bella is something wrong?" Edward asked. "I have to go to the washroom," I said my voice rough and shimmed my way out of the row. Once I had I ran to the bathroom and I could hear footsteps behind me.

I ran into the bathroom which was almost empty except for a few women who were here. I leaned against the wall and took deep shallow breaths. Then the tears came.

"Bella" Alice said and I turned to see her holding her hands out to me. I wrapped my own arms around her and cried. I cried and let the sobs shake me. I cried because it was the best kiss of my life and yet it was only a mistake toward him. I cried because I was truly never going to be Cinderbella. I would live forever as a servant girl while my Prince Charming married the real Cinderella.

I cried because it wasn't fair. I cried because it felt good and was the only thing I could do. I cried and the sobs shook me harder every time.

Alice just held me tight and that was good because she was the only thing keeping me together at the moment.

If she loosened her grip just a little I was sure to fall to pieces.

And I wouldn't be able to be fixed.

* * *

**Aw that was kind of sad! Okay well let me thank you because you have gave me a 100 reviews! That is so freaking awesome I am speechless. Thanks to every single one of you.  
****Okay and I have been to a game and I don't know if they have it other places but there is such a thing as a KISSING CAM my sister and brother-in-law had to kiss cuz it landed on them but it is real!  
****Okay so thanks to all of you who gave me your team! And now you know why I wanted it. But I had lots of different fans so thanks. **

**IMPORTANT!: okay so in about three days I am going to Indiana Beach. My family wants to go on vacation and stuff and I'll be staying there a week! During that time I will not have internet connection cuz my mom won't let me bring my lap top! She says I have to spend **_**family time**_**. So no internet or any source of computer but I will try and get as many updates as possible during that time but it will most likely only be one more. So anyway please forgive me but I will try to update a soon as I can before that faithful day!**

**So anywaz tell me what you think! Oh and I was wondering if any of you could guess the painting Bella was looking at! it's okay if you can't because i didn't give lots of detail but I was just curious. So if you think you know it, go head and tell me.  
LONGEST CHAP (so far)**

**Lots of love Twilightholic-Tanya**


	8. Fading

**Song inspired chapter: Pieces of Me- Ashlee Simpson  
It sorta fits the chapter!**

* * *

"Please come on Bella," Alice said jumping on my bed. Her hands were at my sides and she was shaking me gently while she rocked the bed up and down.

"No, today's my day off, let me sleep," I said and covered the pillow over my ear.

"You have been sleeping! It's three in the afternoon!"

"So I don't want to get up!"

"You know what Bella; I tried to be a good friend! I really did but all this moping is driving me crazy! I told you not to let this get too far, I told you! You just don't listen because you are the stubbornness person alive!" she snapped and I heard her storm out my room. A second later I heard the front door slam and I winced.

She was right. She warned me and maybe if I would have listen and not gone too far the pain would have been less. I mean really there was no way to escape the pain but maybe it would have been less.

My chest felt broken and open and I wanted so badly to close it but no matter how strong I held myself I couldn't keep myself together. I was a mess. I barely got to sleep at night. I avoided Edward and Tanya and everyone else. I went to work and school and did what I was supposed to and when I came home I lay in bed and tried to keep myself together.

Alice came over and tried without success to get me up and going again.

It had been a week. One whole week. Seven full days. 168 long hours. 10,080 painful seconds since that faithful day. The day that rocked my world and destroyed it because I realized after such a long time of partial denial, Edward would never, ever love me the way he loves Tanya.

At the thought my eyes pricked with tears and I brought the covers over my bed. My tears flowed from my eyes and I wanted the pain to go away. I wanted to never have met Edward because I didn't think it was worth it.

But as I thought back I probably wouldn't have changed my time with Edward for the world because it was the best time of my life. I had met someone who I…

No words explained what Edward did to me and for the first time I knew the meaning of the quote: _it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all…_

It had such a stronger meaning to me than it did before and it was true. I would suffer all the pain in the world rather than give up the feelings I had with Edward.

Tears continued to flow down my cheeks and I didn't stop them. What was the point?

I heard a soft knock on the door but I didn't move. Alice would have to learn to leave me alone!

The knock came again and I turned in the bed toward my bedroom door which was wide open and showed the door across the hall which led to the bathroom. It wasn't Alice at the door because if it was she would have walked right in…

I sat up so fast on the bed my head spun. Slowly I got out of bed and walked toward the living room. "Who's there?" I asked.

"Me," I heard a soft laugh from across the door and my mouth dropped open. "H-hold on a minute!" I called and ran to the bathroom.

I grabbed a brush and combed through my hair and tied it in a lose bun. Then I washed my face hoping to get rid of the tear streaks. I looked down at my clothes.

I was wearing a pair of sweats and an old gray t-shirt. I didn't have time to change.

I made my way back to the door and opened it slowly. Edward stood on the other side with a smile on his face. "Hey," he said and my throat clogged. I smiled.

I imagined if we were a couple how different the greeting would be. It hurt so I stopped thinking about it. "Can I come in?" he asked and raised an eyebrow. I realized I had been silent for a while. I nodded and held the door opened quickly looking around the house.

It wasn't overly messy, but it wasn't sparkling clean either.

Alice had kept after it for me so it didn't get bad. It looked like someone lived in the house.

A few magazines and books were splattered across the coffee table and the sofa was occupied by a couple of fleece blankets. The floor was clean and I hadn't had time to look in the kitchen.

Edward stepped in and looked around the small living room. "So this is where you live," he said and walked over to the sofa where he took a seat. He picked up a book from the coffee table and examined it.

"Well it's what I can afford on my salary," I mumbled. My arms came around me and I hugged myself but I realized it didn't hurt as much when he was here. I could at least breathe.

He looked up and smirked. I smiled and it felt real. The first real one in a week.

"So, you enjoy classics?" he asked and he held up the book for me to see.

_Pride and Prejudice_

"Well it was a great love story," I said and he chuckled and placed the book down.

"So why are you here?" I blurted out and felt my face go red. "I haven't see you in a week and I…I missed you," he said looking at me. His green eyes blazed and I wondered if he knew the affect his eyes had.

"Oh," I said because I couldn't find anything else to do. His eyes trailed down my body and he laughed. I looked down also and blushed. "Well it's a nice look on you," he complimented and my face turned even redder. "Thank you," I said softly so the sarcasm wasn't as noticeable.

"What's wrong Bella?" he asked and I looked away from him.

"Nothing, I've just been really tired and stuff lately. I guess the walks have finally been getting on me which is a shame saying as the weather is warming up and I get sick," I said trying to lighten the mood.

"Bella, you can tell me it's nothing but I know something's wrong," he said getting up and coming to stand right in front of me. I looked up and met his gaze and I felt a shock. I jumped and bumped into him.

He took a step back and placed his hand on my waist to keep me steady. The warmth was like magic. It lit my entire being and seemed to fix my broken chest. I fixed everything. I felt tears well up in my eyes and before I could stop them they spilled over and I was crying.

Not just tears but sobbing. Edward wrapped his arms around me and I buried my face in his chest. I just cried and he held me. He didn't say a word nor did he pat or sssh me and tell me it was okay. All he did was hold me and it was good. He kept me together.

All he had to do was hold me and I felt better.

I cried harder and harder and he made sure the sobs didn't break me. He laid his cheek on my head and I continued to cry and soak his shirt and when the sobs were over he still didn't let go.

He was keeping me safe incase there was any after shocks. I didn't pull away when I was done crying. I laid my head on his chest and felt better. I took in his scent and just stared at nothing.

I felt completely together and I felt like everything was perfect. I wished that could have last.

--

_I walked into the big house and closed the door silently behind me. "Bella?" Edward's voice called from the kitchen. "Yea it's me," I said and made my way over to the kitchen._

_Edward was cutting something on the counter and I smiled as I walked over and placed a kiss on his cheek_

"_Hey Bella," Tanya said as she walked into the room. I glanced at her and smiled my best smile while a knife stabbed my chest. "I'm glad you're here," she said and her eyes were bright._

_Tanya and I were great friends but that didn't stop the fact that I was in love with her husband. In here arms was a toddler_

_A beautiful baby boy. His pretty bronze hair and his glowing green eyes. The eyes that were the same color as his amazing dad._

_I stared at the beautiful creature and then it was everything else just disappeared. Edward came and wrapped his arms around his wife and beautiful boy while my world turned upside down and then it was too much. I screamed_

_I screamed and screamed and screamed and I didn't stop._ "Shut the hell up!" Alice shouted and I was hit with a pillow. My breathing was heavy and I looked around. The room was dark and Alice laid next to me her head by my feet. She grabbed the pillow and put it under her head and wrapped the cover she had on her. I lay back down slowly and my eyes were wide as I stared at the ceiling.

I heard Alice huff and then the bed move as she turned.

"Tell me a story," she mumbled. "_What?!"_ I asked. "I said tell me a story," she repeated with venom in her voice. "What are you _two!_" I snapped and she sat up and glared at me. Even in the dark her hazel eyes screamed murder. "You. Woke. Me. Up! You. Tell me. A. Story! She growled through her teeth and lay back down.

Alice was staying with me because Jasper had gone to Texas to visit his mother for a week and because Alice was deathly afraid of being alone she moved in with me for the week, she had come yesterday after Edward had left with a sad smile and a duffle bag. Two duffle bags.

"I don't know any stories!" I griped.

"What the hell! You woke me up in the middle of the night and now I can't sleep! Tell me your fricken nightmare than!" she shouted and I sighed.

"Well it starts out…" I couldn't tell her my nightmare! I would have to lie "with a girl. And she's running and running and she doesn't know why!" I said staring low.

"Where is she running?" Alice asked.

"She doesn't know but all of a sudden things change. She sees a knight in shining armor. She sighs in relief and starts to run toward him. Scenes start passing by her. she sees laughter and joy and happiness. She wants to reach him because he's her life line. He's going to save her from running," I said making it up as I went but soon the words took over themselves.

"But the she sees a shadow behind her. The shadow is loneliness and sadness and it's scaring her because she doesn't want to go into the shadow and be swallowed by it. So she runs faster but the knight never charges toward her. He just stands there smiling and holding his hands out for her. But right when she reaches him she realizes he's not holding her hands out for her. He's holding her hands out for a princess who runs into his arms,"

"So the girl watches them run off and is suddenly drowned into the darkness and then she can't breathe and she can't see anything. She's blind and she's alone."

I finished and was met with silence. Had Alice fallen as—

I was suddenly hit with a pillow.

"I didn't want to hear a depressing story!" she grumbled and I laughed. "You wanted to hear my nightmare!" I told her and she hit me with the pillow again.

Then she placed it behind her head and lay back down.

"Tell me a different story! A happy one!" she said and I sighed.

"Fine then! _Once upon a time…_ there was a servant girl…" I went to tell her the whole story of Cinderella. I told her how she went to the ball and found love with the prince but then had to leave and her slipper fell off.

"When the prince realized he had found her, the wed and lived happily ever after," I whispered and was met with steady breathing. Alice had fallen asleep.

I smiled and closed my eyes and let the sleep take over but then I heard a soft whisper.

"The prince will find you too, Cinderbella," Alice said and I smiled.

"Maybe" I answered though I knew it wasn't true.

With that fact I drifted back to sleep.

o.0.o.0.o

"So do you like it?" Tanya asked and I stared at myself.

The dress was a baby blue sleeveless one. It had a slightly darker ribbon tied around the waist and into a small bow. The dress was long and reached the floor and I was reminded of the night we went to the balls.

I twirled and smiled at the reflection.

"Well at least I don't have to worry about wearing a big puffy out of style dress. It's beautiful Tanya," I said and turned toward her.

She smiled and clapped her hands. "Thank you, Bella! And thanks for doing this it's really great of you," she said and gave me a hug.

"Well I had to do something," I said and she laughed the turned me around as she studied the dress.

"Bella I have something to tell you. But if I do you must keep it a secret! I haven't told Edward yet and I just have to get it out there," she squealed and I turned toward her.

"What is it Tanya?" I asked slowly.

She smiled. "I'm pregnant!" she screamed and the words hit me like a brick! I stumbled backward my eyes wide as I looked at her.

"Are- are you s-sure?" I stuttered,

"Yes! I found out yesterday! I took like three and all came out positive!" she said clapping her hands.

"Wow it's amazing Tanya," I said even though the words sounded like mush in my mind. "I know. I'm going to have a kid with the most amazing man alive," she said again. Her voice was squeaky with excitement.

"Congratulations!" I shouted trying to sound happy. I think it worked because Tanya squealed and hugged me. I held her tight because she was the only thing keeping me here.

"You sure are," I whispered my voice hoarse.

I stared pass her shoulder and saw nothing.

_Pregnant!_

People were trying to kill me. My world was burning and all I saw was the perfect beautiful eyes of the baby from my dreams. The most wonderful face of the toddler.

She pulled away and her face was glowing with joy. She looked like an angel and I saw the toddler from my dream. She had let go of me now and I had nothing holding me here anymore.

My eyes filled with tears and then time seemed to stop.

The world froze and I was suddenly falling toward the ground. I heard a scream and voices and then the world around me went black.

The shadow had swallowed me.

* * *

**Okay I'm excited where this is going! Just stick with me people because this story is planning itself out and sometimes I don't even know what's going to happen.  
**

**Okay so the painting was Starry Night by ****Vincent Van Gogh ****and the people who got it right were the following:  
****!. Sweetheart in the corner  
****!. Betting On Edward  
****!.****maree'malicious.  
****!. bloodredeclispe  
**

**Sorry if I missed anyone but great job guys!**

**Okay this will be my last chapter update because I will be leaving Sunday and tomorrow we will have a house full of people and I can't write with all that distraction but if I do update again consider it a miracle!**

**Tell me what you think and please don't give up on me! Review and make me happy please!!**

**Lot of love Twilightholic-Tanya **_**(ps. Tanya is my real name!**_**) **


	9. Horror Tale

**I'M BACK!  
****Song inspired chapter: I Could Fall in Love-Selena  
****This song fits the chapter. At least **_**I**_** think so**

* * *

"Bella are you alright," I heard a voice hum softly. My eyes fluttered open to see Tanya looking at me with a worried expression on her face. I sat up slowly and realized I was on a sofa still in the dressing room I was in when she told me…

_Pregnant_

I felt my heart tare and tears trailed down my cheeks.

"Bella are you alright?" Tanya asked again only with more urgency because she had seen the tears. I had a cold compress on my forehead and Tanya was leaning over me with a wash cloth in her hands wiping my tears away.

I lay back down and felt the sobs coming on.

"I…" I couldn't even talk. My throat was too dry.

"Bella!" I heard a familiar voice call and looked up to see Alice rushing at me. She got on her knees to Tanya and pushed some hair away from my face.

With Alice here I felt slightly better. Well enough to speak a sentence.

"How long have I been out?" my voice was hoarse. I took the compress off of my head and gently pushed Tanya's hands away as I sat up again and leaned back on the sofa.

"About 5 minutes," Tanya answered and I glanced at Alice. How did she get here so fast?

"I want to go home," I said with out glancing at Tanya. "Of course. Come on lets go," Alice said as she helped me stand up.

"Tanya I'll call you later I'm just not feeling well," I said hoarsely and I could feel the sobs at the back of my throat.

"I understand. I hope you get better soon Bella," Tanya said softly and placed a hand on her stomach. She probably didn't even notice she was touching her stomach but I did and I remembered the reason why I had fainted and it couldn't help it. A whole new set of tears spilled over and down my cheeks.

o.0.o.0.o.0

"A _baby_ Alice. A freaking baby!" I sobbed into the pillow while Alice patted my back.

The sobs shook my body and I was so use to it by now it didn't scare me. The sobs were hard and they hurt my stomach but I had been sobbing so much lately that I hardly felt the shake of my body or the clenching of my stomach or the waterfall of tears coming from my eyes.

"Well Bella, you know this was going to happen one day! I don't know what to tell you. I mean I know it hurts but the man is getting married, and he was bound to have kids one day. What did you expect that he was going to realize you're the love of his life and dump Tanya like yesterday's leftover!" Alice snapped.

I laid my head on the pillow. Her words had stopped the sobs but the tears kept coming.

"Well Bella? Is that what you wanted?" she snapped again angrily.

I sat up on the bed and turned to face her.

"No, Alice! I expected to find my prince charming like you said I would! I expected to find him _single_ and fall in love with him! I wanted us to be together and live happily ever after, like you said! But what I got was heart ache after heart ache and I don't need you to rub it in my face because I already know! But do you know what I want right now! I want to have never ever have gone to the stupid ball in which _you_ dragged me too and I never wanted to meet _him_!" I shouted back and broke into a fresh round of sobs.

"Bella I…" Alice said and I just shook my head as I buried my face back in the pillows.

"Just leave me alone," I whispered and heard her got off the bed.

She turned off the lights and I was left in darkness. Tears continued to caress my cheeks and slowly and painfully I fell into a deep sleep in which I _wished_ I wouldn't have woken from.

o.0.o.0.o.0

I rolled over in the bed and sat up. My pillows were wet and my cheeks were covered with dried tears. I placed my fingers on my cheeks when I realized why I had been crying.

My stomach hurt but I refused to cry again.

I looked at the clock and realized I would be late for work.

I groaned I didn't want to go to work. I sat up and my head spun. I looked at the pillow next to me and saw there was a folded note.

_Bella,  
__I called work and said you were sick and couldn't make it. I had some errands to run and I'll be back later.  
I'm sorry for what I said.  
__Love you,  
__Alice_

I smiled. Alice was a life saver.

I got up and headed to the washroom. I need a shower.

--

When I finished getting dress I went into the kitchen to serve myself something to eat. I needed some kind of food.

I heard the knock on the door and I furrowed my brows wondering who it could be. Alice still had a key…

"Who is it?" I asked.

"Edward," the sounded hoarse but it was no doubt Edward.

I opened the door to see him leaning against the door frame. "Hey," I said softly as the sight of him erased all the bad memories and brought on a fresh round of pain.

"Hey," he said and smiled.

I opened the door wider and let him step inside.

He walked to the couch and took a seat. "Its cleaner," he said looking around. I looked around and noticed that it was in fact cleaner. Alice was a neat freak and she probably cleaned all night long when I had kicked her out of the room.

"Alice is staying with me while Jasper is in Texas visiting his parents. She's doesn't like mess," I said wrapping my arms around myself.

"Why is she staying with you?"

"She watched too many criminal shows where the '_bad' _people kidnap or hurt the defenseless girl all alone in her home," I said rolling my eyes.

Edward chuckled and it was such a strange feeling that happened to me. It felt like my heart broke and soared at the same time.

"So why didn't she go with Jasper?" Edward asked raising an eyebrow.

"Because she's been to Texas once and Jasper's parents live on a ranch. She says it's too hot and dry," I said shrugging my shoulders.

"I see," Edward said and smiled as he gave the small living room a once over.

"I guess that's better. I mean I hate having the house too clean. I think if you live somewhere you have to have a little clutter to show people someone actually lives there," he said and looked at me.

I smiled and leaned against the door.

"I guess. I don't like living in a mess but I hate living in a house like this," I said gesturing to the living room.

He smiled.

"So what brings you here?" I asked.

"Tanya told me what happened yesterday at the fitting. She said you passed out on her and wasn't feeling well," he said concerned. I swallowed and shook my head.

"I just haven't been getting enough sleep and I guess it took over yesterday," I explained quickly lying.

"Did um…Tanya tell you anything else?" I asked.

"No, she only said you fainted on her, was there something else?" he questioned confused.

She didn't tell him that she was pregnant?

"No, nothing else," I said shaking my head.

I looked at my feet and heard him sigh. I looked up to see him get off the sofa and walk towards me.

"Well she did say that she was going to move the wedding up to May. She said everything was planned and she wanted to get married sooner so the wedding will be next month," he said.

Well I wouldn't want to get married with a belly either I suppose.

"So when she told me that yesterday I started to think and I need to tell you something and I hope you'll let me say this with out any interruptions?" he said looking at me with such a strong gaze speech was no longer in my power.

I nodded and he stepped closer to me and pushed a strand of hair behind my ear.

"Bella I don't know why but two months ago I was absolutely sure that I was no doubt in love with Tanya. I thought there wasn't another person I wanted to spend my life with and I was ready to be with Tanya."

I gulped. His words were going to make me brake into sobs yet again.

"Then my brother dragged me along to a dance in which I met a beautiful young lady. We shared a dance and almost a kiss. She interrupted my dreams and thoughts through the whole day. Her eyes were so warm and inviting and they stood in my mind refusing to go away even though I was sure I would never see them again," he took a breath and stepped away from me.

What was he telling me?

"Then while I was in a restaurant I bumped into a clumsy waitress," he smiled at me and my cheeks burned.

"I saw the eyes again. The beautiful warm eyes. But I was scared, I wasn't supposed to see those eyes and so I left without another word to the girl. I left with my _Fiancée_. I would have been fine too if the girl wouldn't stop bumping into me. Bella, I have no idea why but this past month made my world spin. You visit my dreams more than my own fiancée does," he said and ran a hand through his hair.

Oh no, this was not happening.

"Bella I have been trying to see you as a friend and only that, but it's hard when you suddenly feel jealous because you brought a date to dinner or every part of your body is shocked by a simple accidental kiss. Bella I know I shouldn't but I think I have fallen in love with you," he said and the air was gone from my lungs.

Those were the words I wanted to hear. Those were the words I dreamed of hearing but I never thought I would. I stared at him with wide eyes.

"And if you tell me you don't feel the same I'll accept it and I won't bother you again, but I don't want you to tell me that. I'll understand if you do, though," he said and took my hands in his.

I wanted to wrap my hands around his neck and kiss him senseless and tell him I had fallen in love with him the minute we met but I couldn't. He was off limits. He was going to have a baby and didn't even know it.

My happily ever after were words away but if I said them they would ruin someone else's happily ever after, someone who actually deserved their happily ever after.

Tears spilled from my eyes and my lips quivered.

My hands cupped his face and I acted on impulse. If I was going to do the right thing my bad side wasn't going down without a fight.

I brought his face toward mine and kissed him hard. His surprised lips recovered quickly and he moved his lips with mine. I closed my eyes tight and I could only see the smile and pretty blue eyes of Tanya. I could see her belly getting bigger and I knew Edward belonged with her not me.

I felt his tongue trace my bottom lips and I pulled away.

He looked at me with disappointed eyes. I kissed his lips once more and backed away from him.

"Edward you need to go with Tanya. You and I don't belong together," I said forcing the words to come out of my mouth.

"Bella, I—"

I placed a finger over his lips and stared at his eyes. I would have to play the best performance of my life!

"Please Edward just go. You're gonna have a family with Tanya and you're going to live happily ever after, but with _her_. I don't feel the same about you. I thought maybe I did but the kiss confirmed that I didn't." I said and I felt the sobs beginning to shake me.

"Bella I don't understand I—"

"Edward just go please. Think about all the reasons Tanya would want to have the wedding early, think about it really hard…" I said and his brow furrowed as he looked at me.

His eyes widened in realization and he looked at me with questioning eyes. I nodded answering his thoughts.

"Bella I c—"

"Edward, don't worry about it. Look we can forget about it and I'll still be a braid's maid but right now I think I need to be alone," I said and I could hear the sobs behind me voice. I opened the door for him and he looked at me with sad eyes and he walked out and then turned toward me one last time.

"I'm sorry for bringing this up, forgive me please. I think I have somewhere to be now," he said and then jogged down the hallway taking out his phone. I closed the door slowly and fell to the floor.

My chest ripped and I shook with a fresh round of sobs as I wrapped my arms around myself hoping I wouldn't brake. When did you ever hear of so much crying in a fairy tale. Maybe it was because I wasn't living in a fairy tale any more.

I laid my head on the floor and fell asleep as my fairy tale turned into a horror story.

* * *

**Ooohhh….okay so waddya think? Sorry for the wait guys but hey I came back a day early so you get the chapter sooner than was expected. **

**In short my trip was fun. I got scratches and bruises and mosquitoes bites all over me. I hiked and I took bike rides. I have eleven mosquito bites! It was fun filled with drama, tears, laughs, and lots of yelling. **

**Well anyway how do you like the chapter? Please review for me and tell me how you liked it please! I hoped it was good! I liked it and next up will be the wedding so Anyway thanx for all the reviews I got for the last chapter and I wonder if I will get as many for this one. Probably not but I can dream right?  
**

**sorry for grammer or spelling mistakes but I was in a hurry to get this up!**

**Lots of love Twilightholic-Tanya  
(Read + review **equal **faster updates!) **


	10. Choice

**Okay I have to say something real quick: I know everyone is use to the bitchy Tanya. The one who is horrible and mean and will do anything to get what she wants, well my Tanya is NOT like that. She is sweet and kind and is an all around good girl! I hate to burst you bubble but yea it is true. **_**(Trust me I was tempted to make her mean and stuff but I just could do it)**_

* * *

**Song inspired Chapter: Congratulations-Blue October.  
****Great song that fits the chapter! **

* * *

"Oh Tanya you are lovely," Irina complimented. Irina was Tanya's just as beautiful sister. Tanya smiled but looked nervous as her two sisters' fidgeted with her hair and dress.

They were wearing gowns identical to mine but looked so much better. Irina I had met before and she was a little more snobby than her sister but Kate was all but a twin of Tanya. They acted the same and laughed the same and did everything the same way.

They were all a year apart Tanya being the middle child and Kate being the baby while Irina was the first born.

"Edward is the luckiest man on earth," Kate cooed and Tanya giggled as she stared at the full length mirror. She turned toward me with a smile on her face.

"What do you think, Bella?" Tanya asked with wide eyes as though my opinion mattered more than her own sisters.

"I think…you are an example of a perfect bride," I said with a small smile as I leaned against the wall. At least my words were true that much I could say.

Tanya's eyes brightened and she turned back to the mirror.

Tanya really did look beautiful in a off the shoulder long sleeve wedding dress. It left her collar bone exposed. A diamond necklace rested on her neck and her hair was pulled back into a decorative bun.

The veil was placed on top of it and came down her back and you would have sworn she came out of a wedding magazine.

"Well I'm going to go find the groom, and Kate you should go and find Daddy," Irina said and Kate nodded as they both left the room leaving me and Tanya alone.

I pushed myself off the wall and made my way over to her. I stood behind her staring at the mirror. I looked like a plain rag doll compared to picture perfect Barbie.

Tanya closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

When she opened them they were watery.

"Bella, did you tell anyone about my…news?" she asked. I was stunned. Had Edward told her something?

Edward.

I hadn't really talked to him since that day. We talked but only small chit chat and we stopped taking walks and visiting the city.

I missed him.

"No, why?" technically it was true. I hadn't said she was pregnant he figured that out on his own.

"Good. Bella I'm not pregnant," she said and her voice cracked.

"What? But I thought—"

"I _thought _I was pregnant. But when I went to see the doctor he said that…" she started and I suddenly understood.

"Oh Tanya, I'm so sorry," I said softly.

She sniffed but I didn't see a tear. "It's alright. It hurts but I guess we could always try again right? And the good thing is that only I know about this. I'm the only one that has to hurt. I delayed telling Edward until I was sure, but I guess that day didn't come," she sighed and turned back toward the mirror.

I stood stunned.

It was then that I saw a tear rolling down her cheek. Just one single tear.

"No Tanya, don't cry," I tried to comfort her but it was hard when I needed comforting as well.

She gave me a watery smile and brushed the tear away.

"I'm acting silly I guess," she said. "No your not. It was hard on you," I said she threw her arms around my neck.

"Bella, thank you. So much for everything," she whispered and I wrapped my arms around her. I felt tears coming down me eyes and I laughed.

She pulled away and saw my tears, she chuckled also. She wiped away my tears with a gentle hand and smiled. "Aren't we suppose to cry after the wedding?" she teased and I nodded.

I felt guilt run through my whole body. I wasn't crying for the same reasons she was, but she never had to know that. She would never know that I gave up my fairy tale to save hers. I wouldn't tell her.

Her eyes grew wide and she walked away from me to glance out the window where the wedding was taking place. We were of course having it in her _huge_ backyard.

"Bella, I'm going to get married. I'm 23 and getting married. I-I can't do this. I just can't," she said and I could hear worry behind her voice.

I walked toward her and turned her shoulders toward me.

"Do you love him?" I asked sternly.

"Yes," she whispered.

"Do you want to spend the rest of your life with him?"

"Yes."

"Than why wait! You love him and you know he's the one so why wait?" I asked and her eyes teared.

"Bella I just I can't—"

"Look you are going to walk down that aisle and say your vows and give him a kiss that will seal the deal. Than your going to live your happily ever after with the man you love!" I scolded.

She smiled and me and brought me in for another hug.

"You're right I'm being silly, again" she said and I pulled away. The bedroom door opened and Kate walked in.

"How's the bride to be?" she asked and Tanya smiled as she looked at me.

"Perfect," Tanya answered.

"I'm going to check on the groom alright," I said and Tanya nodded.

I walked out of the bedroom and down the hall and toward the door in which Edward would be in. This had to be no doubt the hardest thing I ever had to do. But I was doing the right thing.

I'd better be going to heaven.

I knocked on the door softly.

"Come in," the soft voice said on the other side.

I opened the door slowly to see Edward his back to me. He was staring at the mirror fussing with his bow tie. He looked amazing in a tux and it hurt even more. I glanced down at me bridesmaid dress and I wished I was wearing a bridal gown instead.

I closed the door behind me softly.

"The big day is finally here," I whispered and he turned.

"Bella?" he said and a smile lit his features.

"Hey,"

"What are…I mean..." he shook his head and I laughed. "I wanted to see my friend before the wedding," I said and he smiled. It surprised me how much I hated saying _friend_. I didn't want to be a friend.

I walked near him and pushed his hands away from the bow tie.

"I can tie it," he argued and I shrugged. "I know you can but you trembling with nerves," I teased and looked up at him. He chuckled and let me tie the bow.

"How'd you learn?" he asked when I was finished. "My dad," I answered and she smiled.

"My dad knows how to tie a _tie_ but he can't tie and _bow tie_ to save his life," Edward said and turned toward the mirror.

"Is Carlisle here?" I asked and he nodded.

I had met Emmett's parents a number of times. When Alice planned dinners she usually included them.

"You've met them before right? They talk about you often, they like you," he said and I smiled. "I like them too. Its funny how were all connected though. I mean Alice and I were friends since forever and then she met Jasper, whose sister was dating Emmett. Funny isn't it," I asked thinking back.

"Yea it is I guess," he said with a sigh staring at the mirror.

A smile lit his face slowly. "I'm getting married," he whispered and I laughed a sad laugh.

"With someone you absolutely love?" I asked.

"Yes, with someone I love," he said tore his eyes away from his reflection and toward me. "Bella, I want to thank you for everything. For being a friend to me and—"

"No need to thank me. I did it because I…care about you," I said and he hugged me.

Edward pulled away and rested his hands on my shoulders as he looked me up and down.

"You look great. Blue is a lovely color on you," he said and I laughed.

I glanced down and a sighed. "Yea, I like it but I wouldn't have picked this if it were up to me," I said staring at his eyes. "What would you have picked?" he asked softly. I leaned closer to him staring at his lips. The lips that made a shock run through my body. The lips I had been kissing only a few weeks ago.

A banging on the door made us jump apart.

The door swung open and Emmett came in. "Come on, Ed—oh hello Bella," Emmett said flashing me a grin.

I raised a hand to say hi and made my way past him.

"Goodbye Emmett, congratulations Edward" I said looking at them both and getting ready to head back to Tanya's room.

"We're staring lil bro," I heard Emmett say and I knew that my heart had gone beyond repair.

--

I walked down the aisle and Edward gave me a smile as I stood where I was supposed to. I stood next to Kate and watched as Irina came walking down the aisle.

Then the light melody of the wedding march filled the backyard and it broke my heart as I watched Tanya walk down the aisle. I glanced at Edward's face and saw it glowing with a smile on it.

He had pretty much forgotten me. See me as the friend he use to. Maybe he only said those things to me because of wedding nerves.

Edward stole a glance at me and I saw his eyes soften. He smiled at me and I smiled back as he looked toward Tanya.

I barely heard when the music cut off and the priest started talking. I had gone into one of my famous bubbles. The bubbles I had alone or with some else.

In my mind all I saw were flash backs.

The dance. The trip at the restaurant. The dinner. The meeting in the book store. The walks. The time he held me close when the bike almost hit me. The elderly lady saying we were a couple. The time he held me and let me cry. When he told me he loved me.

He loved me!

He did and it wasn't nerves. I saw the look he gave me and I knew that he loved me.

Tanya wasn't pregnant and there was nothing holding them together.

Could I still have my happily ever after? Could I take it away from Tanya? Could I be so cruel to break her heart like mine was?

I loved Edward and so did Tanya and as the priest spoke the words "speak now or forever hold your peace" I knew the decision was up to me.

It was now or never.

If Edward truly loved me shouldn't I have my happy ever after because of all the heart break I had to suffer. If I got to spend the rest of my life with Edward then I wouldn't mind going to hell.

Time was running out I had to say something before it was too late but what do I do?

My happily ever after or hers?

Which do I chose?

* * *

**I know it's a cliffy but I never said I was giving away the **_**whole**_** wedding. So how do you like it? **

**OMC! You guys are amazing. I got more reviews on chapter 9 than I did on 8. I can't believe you guys made my dream come true. Thank you sooooo much. I love you all I really do. So anyway only 5 more reviews and I have 200 reviews so please make my day and give me 200 reviews!!**

**Anyway I kept my promise to you. You reviewed and I updated. So thank you tons! I would love to hear what you think of this chapter so…and if you want a faster update well you know what to do!**

**oh and one more thing! a friend of mine posted her first story called Taking Back My Love by _moonliteclipse_. it's good and i suggest you read it! **

**Lots of love Twilightholic-Tanya**


	11. Hurting Someone

****

Song inspired Chapter: Big Girls Don't Cry-Fergie  
you decided if it fits.

* * *

"Wait!"

There were gasp and mummers coming from the guest. My mouth dropped open as Tanya tore her gaze away from Edward and looked toward the crowd.

I couldn't believe that—

"I can't get married today," she announced and ran away. Edward stared after her and several guest stood up. I was the first to brake away from the shock and I chased after the bride. I glanced back at me to see her father staring angrily and Irina looking irritated. Edward looked shocked an expression he shared with almost all the guest.

I saw Tanya turn a corner of the house and I slowed to a walk. Slowly I turned the corner to see her sitting on a bench her face buried in her hands crying. It was such a painful scene that it made me ache.

I sat next to her slowly and draped and arm around her frail shoulders. She wrapped her arms around my waist and cried on me.

"I can't do this Bella, I can't!" she sobbed and I rubbed her back soothingly.

"Why?" I couldn't help but ask.

She pulled away and looked at me. Even with tears running down her cheeks and her makeup just a little smudged she looked amazing.

"I'm not supposed to feel forced to marry the man I love right?"

"Of course not. It should be something you want to do," I said confused.

"The wedding feels all wrong. Daddy is pushing me to get married so I will be financially suited and Irina says I should marry young so I won't grow into a single old hag. Half of my friends want to steal Edward away and it makes me feel like I have to marry him," she sobbed.

"No, no Tanya. You should marry him because it feels right not forced, you should marry him because _you _want to marry him not because _others_ want you to marry him. Edward will understand and he'll wait because he loves you," I said the words knowing the were true and feeling my heart rip at every letter I spoke. She looked up at me with her gray blue eyes. They were glossy and tears streamed down her cheeks.

"Bella you are a saint," she whispered and I stared confused.

"You may be the only friend I have. My other friends would tell me not marry him so they could steal him away and they don't even know him. But you, you spend half your time knowing him and you don't try to steal him away or tell me not to get married to keep him in the market. You tell me not to marry him because I should do it when I'm ready," she explained shaking her head.

"I don't know how I ever deserved to meet you but I'm glad I did," she said and gave me a smile. I stared at her with wide eyes.

Guilt wash threw me like the ocean waves during a storm.

"I would never do such a thing," I whispered looking away knowing that moments ago I was deciding whether or not to stop the wedding. I wasn't the saint she said I was. I was a devil in disguise and I didn't want that.

So at that moment I let go.

I let go of all the loved filled memories I had with Edward. I let go of the string of hope I had that maybe I would have my happily ever after with him. I let go of it all and I tried to place myself as a friend but the only problem was he was still there.

He would always be there.

"Tanya!"

I looked up to see Edward running toward us. I felt empty inside. I felt like because I had given up my chance at true love there was nothing more inside me. I was just a person but not a soul, because my soul mate was gone.

Edward knelt down in front of Tanya and lifted her chin.

"Edward I can't get married. Not today, it doesn't feel right, I'm so sorry," she whispered and Edward smirked. "So you run away from me at the alter?" he asked and she laughed softly.

"I just, I didn't know what to do," she explained and Edward kissed her forehead.

As I stared I didn't feel pain anymore. I didn't feel the sharp rip of my heart because I was living in a slow throb of pain. No matter what happened or what I saw I wouldn't feel _more_ pain than what I was feeling now.

"I just need more time," she breathed.

"Okay when you're ready," he said and wrapped her arms around his neck. I saw Edward's face. His eyes were closed as he held her and when he opened them his gaze landed on me. I didn't see the love he had told me about the other day but I saw friendship love.

He smiled at me but I couldn't force one on my face. I nodded and lifted myself from the bench. "I'll tell everyone the wedding's canceled," I said and walked away from the couple.

o.0.o.0.o.0

"Are you ready to order?" I asked dully not really seeing the couple in front of me.

I heard there words and wrote down there order but I wasn't really paying attention.

One week since the wedding and I was still a shell. I hadn't spoken to Edward anymore than was necessary. Tanya was busy with school and I didn't spend much time with her. I had my occasional movie nights with Alice but she never forced me out or took me anywhere I didn't want to go.

As I walked back to the couple's table with there drinks in my hand I had a moment.

I tripped over my feet and bumped in José. The drinks spilled all over him and me.

"Oh I'm so sorry I wasn't paying attention," I apologized. Jose laughed and wiped away the drink with a cloth he had in his hands.

"Dios mío, it's your first spill in two weeks. I think your getting better," he said with a laugh and I forced a smile.

"What no Spanish accent today? Only Spanish words?" I asked. I knew José liked to use his Spanish accent at work but he could speak perfect English and ad had wonderful grammar.

"Hey I'm embracing my culture. Bringing the Spanish language to America," he joked and I laughed. It was the first laugh I had all week.

"Hate to burst you bubble, but that already happened my amigo," I said and he smiled at me.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing, it's just nice to see you display some sort of emotion rather than the zombie state you were living, I hope it stays, " he said and I nodded with a sad smile as I walked away to clean myself up and get another set of drinks.

He was right. I shouldn't live in a zombie state anymore just because it helped me deal with the pain. I had to find another solution.

--

"You can find a perfectly fine job here!" Alice pouted as she sat at the kitchen table.

I continued to cut the carrots and ignored her.

"I think it would be best that when I finish school I should go look for a job somewhere closer to my family. Like maybe in Seattle," I said putting the knife down and looking at her.

"No!"

"Look Alice I wanted your opinion and help on a lot of my ideas, but this isn't one of them," I said coldly and she looked at me with hurt filled eyes.

"Why do you want to leave? I swear if it is because of Tanya I will personally make sure the Barbie gets lost in Lake Michigan!" she growled.

"No, it's not Tanya and it's not Edward. I just need a fresh start. I'm tired of tears and this stupid love triangle. I have to get away and I can't stay here so when I finish school I think I might go to Seattle," I said dumping the carrots into boiling hot water and taking out the celery.

"But what about us?" she asked.

"We'll still be friends, that won't change,"

"Yes it will, it won't be the same," she pouted.

"Come on Alice, don't make it harder than it has to be," I whined.

"Then don't use breakup lines on me," she said and crossed her arms. I laughed. I couldn't help it. She joined in and got up to help me with the soup.

--

"So Emmett tells me you're going to move once you finish school," Edward said as we walked along the beach.

The warm sun brought out a few more people. It wasn't quite warm for swimming yet but it was nice to play in the sand and have joggers about. I had called Edward so we could share another one our walks together.

"Yea, I just need to leave the city for a while and go somewhere…I'm more familiar with," I said.

"After all the walks we went through you're trying to tell me you're not familiar with Chicago!" he teased and I laughed softly.

"I am and I want to thank you for showing me around. I want to thank you for everything and I'm very glad I met you," I said and he laughed.

"If I were you I'd probably hate me. I am sorry for the…confusion I put you through I guess," he said.

"Its fine you're forgiven," I said.

"So when do you graduate?"

"In June, so about a week from now," I told him and he nodded.

"And you're leaving…when?"

"About a week after I graduate."

"Doesn't leave much time does it?" he said scrunching his eyebrows.

"No, not really," I sighed.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Shoot,"

"Why?"

"Why what?" I asked.

"Why are you leaving?" he said and stopped walking as he turned to look at me.

"I already told you."

"I want the real answer,"

I stared at his bright green eyes. They were so intense they looked mean but I knew they were just concentrating.

"Remember when I said that I didn't feel the same way toward you," I said not having any control of my mouth what so ever.

His eyes narrowed and he nodded.

"I lied. I think I fell in love with you the minute I met you and the weeks we spent together made me fall so deep that it was painful to be around you. The accidental kiss changed my world. But I know if I stay it's going to get harder to just be a friend because I want to be so much more, but I can't. I won't hurt Tanya and I know you love her so I'm going to just leave," I said and tears threatened to spill over.

"You're…going…to leave…because of me?" he asked and I shook my head.

"No I'm leaving because of me! I can't help the feelings I have and I know if I test my control it's gonna snap and some one is going to get hurt," I explained keeping the tears from spilling.

"Wait can we rewind. Why are you leaving?" he asked and I looked at his eyes.

"Because I love you," I shouted and heard a soft gasp. I was met with a pair of bright colored eyes filled with, shock, disbelief, tears, and beyond all hurt.

Edward turned to see what I was looking at and he froze.

_T__anya!_

I was right. _Someone_ was bound to get hurt, only I was wrong also because I thought that _someone_ would be me.

* * *

**Uh oh! Okay so spill you thoughts people tell me what you think. The wedding was canceled, Bella confessed her feelings, and Tanya found out the only friend she had was lying. Oh the lovely drama. **

**OMG! I love you guys so much. I got 41 reviews for my last chapter! 41!! Do you have any idea how amazing that is? That beat chapter nine and chapter nine beat chapter 8 so I want to thank you so much. And as promised I updated soon! I'm just curious to see if you guys can beat 41 reviews because you did awesome with the last chapters. You don't have to beat it but I am curious to see if you can. **

**Kay you know the drill reviews equal faster updates! So please review!!  
****And don't forget to check out _Taking Back My Love_ by _moonliteclipse_. My friends first Fanfic.**

**Lots of Love Twilightholic-Tanya **


	12. Hating Love

Waiting for twilight

**Song inspired chapter: Hate That I Love You-Rihanna ft. Neyo**

* * *

"Tanya!" Edward was the first one to speak. I had no control of my muscles. Tanya broke away from my gaze and looked at Edward.

"I thought I would join you two, since we haven't spent much time together, but I guess I see that it was a bad idea," she choked out and looked back at me.

"You said you would never do this," she breathed and started to run away.

Edward turned toward me. "What did you say to her!" he asked and I shook my head the tears I had in my eyes finally spilling over as I looked at him with watery eyes. "I'm so sorry, I didn't think she would I—" I cut myself off after Edward had turned away from me.

He looked like he was about to run after her. I grabbed his arm and he froze. "Let me talk to her," I whispered and ran the way I had seen her go. I didn't wait for a reply from Edward and I didn't look back to gouge his expression. I just ran.

The problem was I didn't know where she had gone. I saw two guys around there mid teenage years throwing a Frisbee and I ran to the closest one. Normally I would never do such a thing but at this moment I was desperate to find her while she still was close. If she got to faraway I would never find her. Chicago was a big city.

"Excuse me, but did you happen to see a woman run by hear. Um pretty curly blonde hair most likely crying?" I asked in a rush not liking stopping so I was switching my weight from foot to foot as I stared at the boy.

"Um was she wearing a pink summer dress?" the boy asked scratching his light brown hair. "I don't know probably did you see her?" I bit out and he nodded.

"Can you tell me where she went?" I was staring to get annoyed.

"Um yea, I think so" he mumbled looking lost. Oh. My. God. I was going to go to jail for murdering this little boy.

"Like now!" I snapped and his hazel eyes widened just a bit. He pointed his finger in a direction and I nodded. "Thanks," I called back as I ran back toward the side walk. I fell twice in the sand making my jeans filthy but I didn't care.

As I made it onto the pavement I did start to worry about the scraps and bruises I would have if I fell here. I just hoped I wouldn't.

Then I saw her. She was leaning against a tree her face buried in her hands.

"Tanya!" I called and she looked up. She pushed off the tree and looked like she was about to start running again.

"No wait! Please!" I begged and she stopped.

I reached her and she had tears in her eyes.

"I don't want to talk to you, Bella. I thought you were my friend. Not only that I thought you were my only _real_ friend. A friend to both of us. You promised you wouldn't do such a thing," she told me and I was surprised at how little anger came in her tone.

She wasn't mad at all she was hurt. I could deal with anger but hurt was an emotion I wasn't use to. Unless I was feeling it.

"Tanya, I'm not asking you to forgive me. Okay I just want to explain, please," I begged and she looked at me with eyes full of doubt. She closed them and I thought that she would agree but when she opened them her eyes were angry.

"How do I know you just won't backstab me again?" she bit out and then ran away.

"Because you haven't heard me!" I shouted after her and she slowed to a walk. Then she stopped completely as she turned to look at me.

I sighed and walked toward her.

I sat down on a bench a couple feet from where she was and she slowly came to join me.

"I'll listen," she said looking ahead at the view of the lake but not at me. I deserved that I guess.

"Can I ask what you heard?"

"I heard you yell at my fiancé that you love him," she said emotionless. I glanced at her and saw her eyes glazed over not looking at anything. Her face totally calm. Her voice was almost robotic. It was scary, and I felt bad that I brought it on.

"How'd you find us?" I couldn't help but ask that to.

"Edward always tells me where I can find you incase I wanted to join," she said and I was just a little hurt. I hadn't known that Edward did that. I hadn't known he invited her to everything we did.

"I said I couldn't come because I had to study but I decided to have a little fun since I missed you and I wanted to see how you were doing. I drove to the lake and started walking along the beach when I finally noticed you guys. I ran toward you and imagine my surprise when you suddenly shout _'because I love you'._ To my fiancé I might add," she said her voice rising and showing just an ounce of emotion at the last part.

"I do love him Tanya. I love him like a friend and—" I started but was cut off when she suddenly stood up her eyes filled with joy and relief. "Wait so you mean that it wasn't like the way I thought. You weren't—of course you weren't. I am so stupid to think that you would hurt me like that," she gushed and my eyes widened. Oh no!

It wasn't suppose to go like that.

"Tanya wait there's—"

"I mean of course you wouldn't. I feel so horrible to think of you as such away. I should have known there was a perfectly fine explanation behind it," she babbled.

"But—"

"Will you ever forgive me?" she asked her eyes bright finally giving me a chance to speak.

"Tanya I—"

"Or I mean I guess I shouldn't have come to such a wrong conclusion of the situation. I should have found out and if you knew—"

I stood up and grabbed her shoulder cutting off speech from her instantly.

"I do love him Tanya! Like a friend and more!" I said and she backed away from my touch like I had electrocuted her. She stared at me without saying a word.

"Tanya I'm so sorry but—"

_Slap!_

Her hand came toward my cheek so fast I didn't see it. My cheek burned and I stared at her wide eyed. I deserved that. My fingers slowly touched my burning cheek and I just stared at her while tears spilled down my cheek.

"You were supposed to be a friend!" she shouted attracting attention to us. Well she had already with the slap.

"I am a friend!" I shouted back.

"No you're a back stabber!" she snapped and my anger flared. This I could deal with. I could handle anger so much better than hurt.

"No I'm not! If I was I wouldn't have gone through all the freaking pain that you caused me! If I was I wouldn't have fainted when you told me you were freaking pregnant! If I was I wouldn't be moving away from my friends and home just so that I could save you and me and Edward from this stupid freaking love triangle!" I snapped back and her eyes widened.

She opened her mouth to say something but I lifted a hand to cut her off.

"You know what Tanya I do love Edward! More than anything in the world but I'm not going to fight you for him. I'm not even going to try. He's yours and I understand that! I can't help loving him trust me I tried! I can't help the way he makes me feel. I hate that but it's true,

"I hate the way he causes butterflies in my stomach and I hate the way his eyes make me dazed. I hate that eveytime I stare at him I have the sudden urge to kiss him. I hate everything he does to me and I hate that I am in love with him but. I. Can't. Help. It!" I finished tears spilling over my cheeks.

"Why?"

"Why what!" I asked.

"Why won't you try to fight for him?" she asked and I stared at her.

"Because I won't put you through the pain I had to suffer for two whole months," I whispered.

"But you're his soul mate. You have tons of things in common and you guys click. You don't think you were destined to be," she asked tears in her eyes.

"I do. But I was too late. He fell in love with you. He gave his heart to you and I believe that sometimes not everyone has a happily ever after," I said my throat choked up.

Tanya bit her bottom lip and I swallowed hard. She wrapped her arms around me and slowly I wrapped mine around her. "Thank you," she whispered and began to sob. I buried my face in the crook of her neck and I let her cry on me while holding back my own tears.

She pulled away and laughed.

"I found an angel here on earth," she whispered and wiped away the tears that manage to slip my control.

I smiled knowing that her words were somewhat true. I had to be an angel to go through the things I was doing.

o.0.o.0.o.0

"You can't leave!" Alice said not letting go of my waist. I continued to back my clothes in my suitcase. "It's not forever Alice! I'll comeback I will. I mean I'm still paying rent on this apartment and stuff," I said.

She released herself from my hold and went to the bed. She plopped herself down while mumbling in the pillow.

"You're only paying rent here until your lease is up then your going to move everything out! I can't live without you Bella. What if Jasper's mom gets sick again and he has to go back to Texas," she mumbled.

"Then go to Texas with him. Jasper's parents adore you," I said while placing a pair of jeans into the suitcase.

"I'm not going to that farm! There are way too many bugs and it smells like animals."

"You don't say! Why on earth would a dairy farm smell like animals!" I gushed and she stared at me with an evil look.

"Then go to Emmett's and Rose's place," I said and I heard her gag. "Please those two are disgusting . Emmett and his innuendos and Rose with her flirty grins. Did you know they like to role play?" she said and I held back a laugh.

"How would you find such a thing out?" I asked and her cheeks went red.

"Um well they…I sort of…well…"

"You walked in on them?" I asked eyes wide and Alice's cheeks only grew more and more red. "They were still fully dress but I guess I sorta came in at a bad time. Not everyday I see Emmett in a suit though," she mused.

I laughed. It was just too funny.

"Not funny!" she seethed and I held back my laughter and walked to my closet to get some more clothes.

"Who am I suppose to stay with?" she asked and I shrugged.

"Stay with Edward," I said out of ideas.

It was surprising how well Edward and Alice had clicked. Almost like they were siblings. I was surprised she didn't along with Emmett the same way.

"True," she mumbled.

"Everything's settled then," I said stuffing more stuff into my suitcase

"But Bella I can't live without you," she said tears in her eyes.

"Alice I'm still going to visit and we have phones and computers okay. Email is a lovely way of communication," I argued.

"What if we have a comet pass us by and all our electrical stuff goes off for like a month and Jasper proposes or Rosalie get's pregnant?" she said.

"I resent that. I am on the pill," I heard a musical voice and looked up to see Rose with two bags in her hands.

"There's always writing letters. Rose what are you doing here?" I asked and she smiled holding up the bags.

"Snail mail," Alice mumbled but I ignored her.

"Well since tonight's you last night here I though we have a girls night out. I brought chocolate bars and marsh mellows and graham crackers. I love smores so were making them and then I brought some ice cream and extra butter popcorn and I went and rented the funniest saddest and weirdest romance movies. And few thrillers and a couple scary movies…um…action ones and comedy's," she said and I smiled.

"What sort of romance movie's?" I asked and she laughed.

"I made sure to get you your Romeo and Juliet. And I rented the Titanic and The Notebook and um I have no idea what else I just sort of grabbed everything," she said leaving to go put the stuff away.

"I thought you were on a diet!" Alice called.

"I want to eat Junk food! Besides I'll go to the gym tomorrow," she called from the kitchen and I laughed.

"Well this should be fun," I said and Alice looked at me with her sad hazel eyes. "I'm going to miss you," she said looking down.

"I know but tonight is not the time for good byes. It's just us," I said and she nodded as she left to go help Rose.

This was for the best.

It would save me from pain and I was happy for that. But before I left I was hoping to see him again yet somehow I new he wouldn't be at airport tomorrow to see me off. Things had become awkward between us. The last time I had seen him was a graduation and that was a week ago.

One week!

I had to see him before I left though I just had to. I zipped up my suitcase and grabbed my Alice's car keys from the nightstand.

"Alice, Rose I'll back in twenty minutes. I'm going somewhere," I said and they looked at me when I passed the kitchen.

They didn't try to stop me or asked where I was going and I grateful because if they did I wouldn't do it.

--

I had to been to Edward's house all of one time but I remembered where he lived. I never really went inside but stood outside of his condo while he went to get something.

I shouldn't do this but I was leaving tomorrow and I just had to see him. Just once, I needed to see him.

I walked to his door and knocked.

I heard the chains being undone and then the door flew open. I stared at my feet because if it was Tanya who answered I would just go back.

"Bella?" I heard his smooth voice ask and I felt relief wash threw me. I looked up and met his glowing green eyes.

They were confused and a bit shocked but not a hint of hostility toward me. I was glad.

I threw myself at him and wrapped my arms around his waist. He stumbled a few steps back into his apartment but he didn't push me away. He slowly wrapped his arms around me and laughed.

"Why are you here?" he asked and I smiled as I looked up at him.

"I missed you," I replied.

"I can see that." he said and I felt giddy as I held him tighter. I laid my head on his chest and felt him run his fingers through my hair.

I suddenly ached. If one week felt like torture to be without him how would I survive living without him for the rest of…my…life? I couldn't, but I would have to. It wasn't fair.

I should hate him! But I couldn't either, I was too deep in love and I hated that!

"I'm leaving tomorrow," I whispered and felt him stiffened.

"That's soon," he said and I nodded.

I pulled away and looked at him.

"But before I leave I need to know something. When I told you that I love you, you never had a chance to reply and I want to know if you still love me like you said you did," I said over the lump of cotton in my throat.

He looked stunned.

"Bella I do love you but—"

"But," I whispered and looked away from him.

"Bella I—"

"No it's okay. I understand completely but um…I have to go now. Alice and Rose are waiting for me, at home. So I guess this is goodbye," I whispered and held my hand out to him.

He ignored it and brought me in for a hug.

I pulled away and looked at him. He looked like he was going to say something but I wasn't strong enough to keep this up for long.

"Bye," I whispered one last time before reaching up and kissing his cheek. Then I ran out and toward the car.

Tears spilled down my cheeks and wiped them away. I didn't expect anything more anyway so it shouldn't have hurt so much but it did. Rejection always hurt.

I didn't hate him though. I didn't hate Tanya either. I hated myself for being so vulnerable. I hated myself for coming here. I hated myself for thinking that I should have come here, but most of all…

I hated loving him.

* * *

**Whoa this chapter was fun! Okay don't be mad at me or Tanya for slapping Bella. Personally I think I would have done the same and all you little ones in the back going **_**(I wouldn't have**_**) don't lie because I know you would. **

**WOW! You guys actually beat 41 reviews! That was amazing. The last chapter got 44! Reviews and that is the most I have had on a chapter so thank you soooo much.**

**I stuck to my promise and updated. Now if you want a quicker update I hope you review for me! The same drill Reviews equal Faster updates!**

**IMPORTANT: Anyway tell me what you think I would love to hear your thoughts and I'm sorta thinking of doing Epov in the next chapter but 'm not sure so let me know what you think I should do. **

**Lots of Love Twilightholic-Tanya**


	13. Timing Reality

_Waiting For Twilight_

**Songs inspired chapter: What Hurts the Most - Rascal Flatts**

* * *

_**EPOV  
**__(Because they say it's a good idea)_

"Is something wrong?" Tanya asked.

I tore my eyes from the clock that I had been watching to look at her. "Nothing why?" I asked confused to why she would be asking.

"Well I don't know, you haven't eaten anything and your eyes have been traveling to the clock all day? Is there somewhere you want to be?" she asked looking at her plate of food.

"No, of course not. Why would you say that?" I asked. I was being defensive trying to convince myself I didn't want to be there. More importantly I don't think I could be there. I wouldn't be able to see her off and not even try to convince her to stay. I knew Alice would be doing enough of that.

My thoughts had been having her in my head all day. She ran in out of them never leaving them. I wasn't supposed to think of her. I had convinced myself not to but obviously I was failing and I wasn't the only one noticing them.

"You want to be there," Tanya whispered and I brought my eyes to focus. They had been looking at her but I really wasn't seeing anything.

"No I don't" I said trying to sound firm but it sounded like I was giving up. I stood up and threw my food in the garbage and placed my plate in the sink and left her to sit in the kitchen.

I went into the bedroom and lay on the bed.

It wasn't fair! My life was going perfect until she showed up. She screwed up everything.

She was too tempting the day at the dance I couldn't resist asking her for a dance. Not to mention she was—by all I could see—alone. One harmless dance wouldn't have been anything wrong. I would most likely never see her again.

I would rather have fun at the stupid ball if I was going to be dragged along there.

Then the slow dance came and she was so freaking close. Her eyes were so warm making me forget everything. Making me forget she wasn't Tanya and I wasn't exactly single. Making me forget where I was and why she wasn't mine.

I would like to think that I wouldn't have gone along with that kiss if the clapping wouldn't have interrupted us but I knew that wasn't the case. I would have gone along with the kiss and it scared me. I wasn't one to be like that. To even think of another girl when I knew I was going to get married, when I was happy with the girl I had.

So I left her without another word hopefully never seeing her again.

Of course it didn't play out that way. It never did.

I was met again with a pair of warm chocolate eyes that went on to the middle of forever when I caught a clumsy waitress. I knew she had to be the girl at the dance and then I left her too afraid that she would cause thoughts to pop in my head that shouldn't be there.

But she wouldn't stay away.

Just my luck she ended up being one of my burly brothers friends.

And as much as I tried to avoid it I knew I was falling in love with her little by little. Every walk, every talk, everything we did I felt more and more toward her but it wasn't right knowing I couldn't be with her. I was in love with someone else.

I was getting married to someone else and instead of the words thrilling me like they use to they caused me pain.

They hurt.

Then the stupid accidental kiss. It wasn't even a kiss just the touching of lips and it changed everything. It suddenly brought the realization that I was in love with her. it made me notice how much I really did love her.

And then for her to tell me she didn't love me and to find out Tanya was pregnant,(in which she wasn't because Tanya had explained everything) for her to come back and say she was lying and she did love me.

It was too much to take. She was making me dizzy with all the news.

Now she was leaving. She was leaving and I wouldn't see her to who knows when.

It was for the best.

She was leaving for a good reason. So none of us would get hurt. But it still happened. I knew Tanya was uncomfortable with Bella after she had heard her declaration. Bella had come only last night to ask me how I felt and I turned her down.

I felt Tanya climb on to the bed and lay on my chest.

Any other day I would have wrapped an arm around her but not today. Today I laid completely still lost in thoughts that I shouldn't had been having. I turned my head to look at clock.

3:15

She left at four.

Tanya leaned up and I looked up at her.

She grabbed my face and kissed me. Then she pulled away as suddenly as she had started.

"Why are you still here?" she asked and I furrowed my brows at the question. "What do you mean?" I asked having no idea what she was talking about.

"Go, you still have time!" she said and I shook my head. "I'm not going. I already told her my good byes. I'm not goin—"

"No you moron. Go stop her!" she said her blue eyes getting darker in anger.

"What?" I said sitting up on my elbows.

"I would be a blind fool not to see you love her. She loves you back so why are you here?" she questioned and I noticed tears in her eyes. "I do love her, but love you too and I'm sticking with you," I whispered wiping away the tears that manage to slip her control.

"No," she said softly.

"No!" she repeated louder this time.

"You're going to go and find her and tell her how you feel because I can see the love you have for her I see it and I'm not going to live here knowing that I was the only thing keeping you apart!" she snapped.

"I don't want to see her, I'm not going," I said but my eyes traveled to the clock.

3:20

"Bull crap! You do want to see her, you have time but not much of it go Edward!" she scolded and I closed my head trying with all my might to resist the urge to listen to her words.

"No," I whispered shaking my head and I felt a small drop of liquid fall on my face. I opened my eyes to see tears running down Tanya's face.

"I want you to go and make her stay. I want you to tell her how you feel and pretend I have nothing to do in the picture. I want you to do it," she said her eyes sad and I was torn. I didn't want to do this to her, but I wanted to go to Bella.

"I can't do that," I said defeated knowing my decision was made.

Tanya grabbed my face in her hands and kissed me. This time I kissed her back but my mind traveled to someone else and I tried desperately to push the aside and focus on the one I had. Tanya pulled away slowly and placed one more kiss on my lips before she got off the bed.

"Go! Now! I want you to get her. She deserves you and I know you want to be with her, Edward. I'm not going to come in between soul mates," she said and I looked at her with a new vision. This was clearly hurting her but she wanted it.

Her eyes were cast downward.

I glanced at the clock.

3:25

I got off the bed and wrapped her in an embrace. She held me tight before letting me go.

"Tanya I—" but she placed a finger on my lips. She still wouldn't meet my gaze and I was pained.

"Go," she whispered and I did knowing that if Bella didn't forgive me I had given up the perfect girl.

--

3: 50

I was never going to make it on time. I knew that much.

My thoughts never failed to think of her.

The day at the dance. When I caught her at the restaurant. The day at the wedding. Just yesterday when she told me…

Ugh!

When I arrived at the airport five minutes later it was all a matter of finding her before she boarded her plane.

I couldn't let her just go. If I didn't find her though I knew she would be out of my life just as suddenly as she entered it.

I mumbled tons of apologies after bumping into people. I had to make sure I found her, even if she didn't want to stay or she was convinced on leaving I had to make sure she had the choice.

I bumped into another person and knocked there small form into the ground.

"I'm so sorry I—" my words were cut off when I realized who it was.

She looked annoyed and the she lifted her eyes to meet mine and I saw her cheeks were tear stained and her eyes still held tears. All hope faded away as she lifted herself from the ground.

"I'm too late aren't I?" I asked knowing the answer.

Alice nodded and looked at me with confused eyes.

"Damn it!" I cursed softly and ran my hand through my hair defeated. "Why are you—?"

"When will she be back? Where can I get a hold of her?" I asked frustrated cutting off her questions.

"She won't be back until Christmas and I have no idea where you can call her. I have to wait until she calls me and tells me her number and that can be weeks, but why—"

"Weeks?" I repeated looking at her. Her eyes grew somber and she nodded slowly.

Weeks? Christmas? I couldn't wait weeks! I couldn't wait until Christmas but I would have to.

I would have too because there was no other way. I couldn't leave to find her and there was no way to get a hold of her.

"Why did you want to see her?" Alice whispered and I look up from my feet to her eyes.

"It doesn't matter anymore," I said and Alice looked at me with questions in her eyes. She knew I was lying and no doubt knew why but she didn't press and she didn't ask anymore questions.

Instead she smiled and grabbed my arm.

"Come on we could both use pick me ups. Let's get a coffee," she offered and I looked around noticing she was alone.

"Where's Jasper?" I asked.

"Working," she answered and started to drag me through the crowd.

I let her drag me around feeling empty and weird.

Empty because I had missed my chance and she wasn't here and weird because I wasn't use to emotions like that. I did love Tanya but I don't think I had ever loved her as much as I loved Bella. It was such a feeling but I should have known something so strong and powerful was going to bring a pain that would overlap everything else.

It wasn't fair.

I wanted to catch her on time. I wanted to stop her from going. But did I really expect her to say she loved me back and told me she forgave me. Did I really expect us to live a happily ever after?

No I didn't, because fairy tales weren't real and I was living in reality. I had given up the perfect girl to go after a fairy tale that wouldn't come true and a girl that wouldn't be with me.

I was living in the _real_ world, but for the first time ever I wished that I would live in a fairy tale just so I could get a happily ever after with a princess that was out of my reach.

* * *

**A/N:**

**Okay so I just wanted to apologize for anyone who thought the story was finish. It is not finish and I have no idea when I'll end it but honestly don't think it'll be soon. And if I were finishing it I would make it very clear and say it's over but it's not.  
****Also I was going to update yesterday but I got sick and I felt like crap and I still do but I feel better so I updated. The next chapter we'll be going back to Bella unless I decided to add a clip from Edward's pov but I doubt it. **

**Omg! Guys you gave me 52 reviews in the last chapter and I love you for it. This may be my first story to reach 400 reviews so thank you for reviewing!! So please review and share your thoughts, let me know what you think!! Wasn't Tanya a saint? **

**Oh one more thing. sorry guys but I will be starting school on the 26th and trust me that means the updates won't come as quickly. I don't think I will finish this story in that short time so yea...  
with all the school work and homework I may not have enough time to update as fast as I want but trust me I'll try! but in the meantime remember reviews equal faster updates!! **

**Lots of love Twilightholic-Tanya  
****Ps. I know it's short but I'm just not feeling well. **


	14. Ignorance is Bliss

**Sorry for the wait! Explanation below (if you care)  
****Song Inspired chapter: Sweetest Goodbye - Maroon Five**

* * *

_BACK TO BELLA_

"Alice I can't…" I dragged on.

"C'mon Bella it'll only be for a week. I'll pay for it and everything, I just really miss you," Alice begged on the other side of the phone.

"Alice I've only been here for like what…3 weeks it can't be that bad," I tried to compromise. If I let her, I knew I would be getting on a plane back to Chicago and that couldn't happen.

I had found an apartment in that short time and even manage to find another waitressing job. It was temporary, until I could find one I was better qualified for and actually went to school for. I didn't like it but it paid the bills and the rent so it would have to do.

"What about my job? I just started I can't just say 'my friend misses me, can I have a week vacation.' Be reasonable Alice," I sighed into the phone wishing more than anything that I could be back. I hated having to leave but I knew it was better still I couldn't help but feel a bit of anger.

It was just the person I was. I wouldn't be able to stay there.

"Aww, Bella come on. You could always find another one or you know I could fax over a doctors note for a broken leg. It's not all that out of character. You've broken your leg before," Alice said in a distracted voice.

"No, I'm not going to lie. I just can't do it Alice. I'm happy here," it was somewhat true. not completely but it wasn't a total lie.

"What does that mean?"

"It's means that if I go back, there will only be heart break for me. I am sick of it I just want peace for now," I said softly.

"But I told you they broke up,"

"Still I would feel awkward, I feel horrible already,"

"But I already told you. You had nothing to do with the break up," Alice said firmly. She was such a good liar that I had difficulty trying to decide whether or not she _was_ actually telling the truth.

"Still Alice, I can't. I miss you too, but I need to settle and stuff I can't just hop on a plane and go. Besides I can't have you spend money on me either," I said. I hoped the argument would be over but of course Alice either had it her way, or… no way.

It was simple as that.

In the end I was schedule to go back to Chicago and face what I had been trying to run away from

0.o.0.o.0.o

"Bella!" Alice's voice shrieked. Her voice was able to be heard over all the noise in the airport and I sighed.

I looked to see her cutting through crowds and family's reuniting to get my way. She slammed into me and I stumbled back wards. She wrapped her arms around my waist and just held me.

"Okay Alice let me go. I'm pretty sure sooner or later my legs are going to need blood," I said referring to the way she was holding me. Tightly very tightly it was amazing someone so small and sprite like was able to have such strength.

She let me go and linked an arm with mine as she walked down the ramp with me toward the little group.

Rosalie was there along with Jasper.

The only two that were missing were the brothers.

"Bella!" Rosalie's rang not as high as Alice's but still in joy. She held her arms open and hugged me briefly. It was warm and inviting. Jasper smiled toward me and I did the same as I went to hug him also.

"How's Seattle?" he asked as he took the duffle bag I had been carrying off my shoulders. Alice eyed it and then my suit case I has been trailing behind me. "A week Alice is different from a month. I have all I need, even fancy wardrobe for your dinners," I told her and the frown lightened a fraction. I could tell she still wasn't happy with my lack of wardrobe.

"It's good. Haven't found a job, yet but I've been to plenty of interviews. There skeptical about hiring someone right out of collage," I sighed and Jasper nodded.

Alice once again inked her arm with mine as we began to make our way through the crowds and toward the parking building.

"So you'll be staying with us while you're here," Alice said and I nodded. I knew that already so I didn't know why she mentioned it. "Are you avoiding a topic with me?" I asked and she shook her head with a bright smile across her face.

"Of course not. I just really missed you. Looks like you've gotten plenty of sun," she said referring to the red streaks in my hair. I shrugged. "The sun usually comes out in June," I said in a teasing tone and she pushed me making me stumble.

"So where's Emmett?" I asked Rosalie and she looked down with a sigh.

"He's with Edward," she said and glanced at me out of the sides of her eyes and I tried best to keep my composure. My heart sped and my breath hitched at the sound of his name.

"I meant where as in location?" I pushed.

"They'll be back later on tonight. There's visiting there parents," Alice answered and I scrunched my brow.

"But…"

"They moved to Rockford," Alice sighed as though it was obvious.

"You never—"

"Well if you wouldn't have left you would have known," she bit out.

"Alice, please don't start this. I'm only here for a week so let's not fight," I said and her tone soften.

I glanced down at her and I was hit with the realization of how much I missed her. It stung to know I did and I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and brought her closer to me.

"I missed you a lot," I whispered and Rose glanced out way.

"I missed everyone a lot," I said a bit louder but now by much.

I had missed them only I stopped myself from thinking of them so the pain wouldn't be as bad. But there was person that topped the rest. One person who seemed to bring the most pain and hunted my dreams and thoughts.

The one person I barely thought of and yet thought of the most. It was because I willed myself not to think of him but he tapped into my subconscious and snuck in my thoughts without my permission.

Rose smiled and wrapped her arm around my shoulder and I looked up to study her. Her hair was shorter and lighter because of the sun. she hadn't changed much but you could tell she did. It hurt to think that people who had been with her wouldn't have registered the slight changes but someone who had been away and took a look at her would be able to name the differences.

It hurt to think not to long ago I wouldn't noticed how her golden blonde hair was becoming a bit brighter or how she had cut it into low layers.

But me the changes glowed and I didn't even want to really look at the others afraid that I might find more changes.

3 weeks or more like 4 but still a month wasn't really a long time to be away from them but I had been so use to seeing them daily that this was different.

We finally made it to the car and Alice started to fill me in on everything I had missed.

It wasn't much just minor detail. Edward and her had gotten closer and she said that he might have been her brother. She informed me about the break up between Tanya and him and continued to assure me I had nothing to do with it but some how I couldn't believe it.

Well why should I?

--

I turned over in the soft bed and I faced the sun. My eyes opened slowly and I smiled.

I was home.

For a week anyway. Still it made me happy.

I got up slowly and stretched. I headed into the bathroom for a shower; since I had neglected to do that last night having being exhausted I came and fell asleep.

I got dressed and realized the house was overly quiet.

I went into the kitchen and noticed the sticky note attached to the fridge. I looked at it and read it silently.

_Jasper and I had to go shopping. I hate to waste a minute away from you but I'll be back soon._  
_Love Alice_

I smiled and crumpled the note as I tossed it in the garbage when I heard a knock on the door. They couldn't have been back that soon could they?

I walked to the door and opened shocked to see who I found at the other end.

My eyes locked with a pair of wide green eyes and my heart stopped altogether.

"Bella?" he said softly and I just stared. A month really had been too long. My memory served him no justice. I had forgotten how his eyes glowed and how his tousled bronze hair seemed to just land perfectly on his forehead.

How his smile lit up his face and made his beautiful features gorgeous.

"Bella," he said again and I felt my eyes fogged. Before I could stop myself I threw my arms around him and he slowly wrapped his arms around me before holding me tighter.

I'm not sure how long we stood like this before he asked.

"Would it be horrible of me to ask you to take a walk with me?" he said his eyes wide and I shook my head no.

As though nothing had changed he took me to the lake. Only instead of walking our usually path, he took me along a place I wasn't so used it. There were less people here. The warm whether and bright sun brought more people out to enjoy the water and sun.

There were even more bikers and joggers but not where we were walking.

The sand turned into stone as we continued to walk in quiet and he suddenly stopped.

I had been staring at my feet that I didn't really know where he led me.

But when I looked up I studied my surroundings. It was almost like a stone walk away. Like a natural little dock. It was then but wide enough for someone to walk to the edge. It was above the water and you could see the boats and jets skis fly across the water.

The water glittered in the sunlight with a beautiful color. It wasn't blue but darker, like a purple and blue mix. It was amazing. Edward walked forward and sat on the rocky pier letting his feet dangle inches above the glittering water.

I followed and sat beside him.

"So I take it Alice told you about Tanya and me?" he asked and I nodded not able to speak as I stared across the water enjoying the amazing view. I realized we were alone.

The only people I saw were the ones that were yards ahead of us on boats and jet skis.

"Yes and Edward I never meant to—"

"It wasn't your fault. It just sort of had to happen," he sighed and stared across the water while I stared.

"Bella, do you remember the day you came to say good bye to me?" he asked and turned his head. I nodded again.

"When you told me that you loved me?"

I nodded.

"I told you I loved you and I did. I do…that hasn't changed. I wish somehow I could have stopped you from going, I wish I could have been able to tell you my feelings for you from the beginning but you had to understand, and that I couldn't. I was thinking of what would happen if I would tell you. How it would cause so much heart ache because we couldn't be together because I couldn't be with you. I let you leave without fully knowing and I regret it," he said softly his gaze never leaving my eyes.

"What happen between you and Tanya?" I asked keeping myself from leaning in closer and closing the gap between us. I used my old methods but it was harder because he wasn't with her anymore.

Still I had the idea that I had come between them and if that was the case being with Edward would be the same as being with him while he was still with Tanya.

"You can't keep things together when it wasn't meant to be," he said softly and I nodded.

I turned my head away from his and stared at the water below us.

"Edward, my feelings for you haven't changed. I still love you and I doubt that I would be able to change that in less than a month. But I still feel as though I can't be with you. I still feel as though Tanya will always be a part of you and I don't think I could live with myself knowing I came between you guys," I whispered.

Edward chuckled and I looked at him as he ran a hand through his beautiful bronze hair that almost looked red in the sun light.

"If it helps she ended it with me," he sighed and I felt the guilt cling around me. Wrapping itself around my waist and squeezing tight.

He turned his head and his grass colored eyes looked at me with and intensity so strong I felt it run through my body.

"Bella please don't blame this on you. Tanya and I are not getting back together, weather or not you are in the picture," he said softly and I felt my eyes fill with tears.

"You would still be together if it wasn't for me though," I breathed feeling my voice crack.

He smiled and brought his hand up to my face. Slowly he placed it on my cheek and wiped away a tear I had not noticed slid down. He leaned in closer and I felt wrong.

"I can't do this," I whispered in a voice so soft but my eye lids drooped and my lips parted slightly.

"Don't blame yourself," he said softly and his breath washed over me.

I believed him and did exactly that as his lips touched mine.

The shock ran though my body at just the touch of his lips and I felt his hand cup the back of my neck while my own hand was tracing his cheek softly. This kiss was not my first with him, but it felt so much better.

It was not accidental and I did not see Tanya looming in the background. I only saw us and what we could be and I couldn't believe what was happening.

I felt his lips move with mine and couch my own open. My whole body tingled and I could feel a smile coming.

For once I felt happy and content and I felt as though nothing could go wrong.

He was mine and he loved me more than a friend. He loved me like I wanted and as we pulled away for air our breaths ragged it felt right.

But I should have known after all the heart break I had suffered that life never ended like a fairy tale and I would find trouble once again. I should have known but at that moment I was too happy and giddy. So I thought it was going to be perfect.

But nothing in life ever was perfect.

* * *

**A/N:**

**Kay guys I'm super sorry but I had writers block and I didn't come up with this until I was driving along Lake Michigan and I stared at the lake and stuff. Then I heard the song and this chapter popped into my head. But the next update shouldn't take as long I hope.  
Anyways thanks for the review guys I love them and I hope I get plenty on this chapter. I promise if you review I will update sooner because I know what's going to happen in the next chapter it's all a matter of getting the free time to type. But if you give me enough reviews I will promise to find time. **

**CREEPY STORY:  
****Well my sister wanted me to take a picture with her 3 nephews and her 3 kids so I was like okay. Anyway we took a total of three pictures and when I went back to look at them it crept me out. The first picture was just a normal picture. But the second one you start to notice this weird bluish greenish glow on the right hand corner. It's small but still there. So I look in the third one and it got bigger taking up most of the right side of the picture. My sister and I were like what. But we go to take a look (the pictures had been taken in the living room) and we though that it may have been something with flash but nothing was there so that the flash could cause. There was no glass or anything just wall. Then we take another picture thinking maybe it was the camera but the picture came out clear. It was creepy because we think our house might be haunted. Well the owner of the house had rented it out to people but then he died and so it forced the people that were living in my house to move. So we just think we have a sprit living with us.**

**Yes I believe in those sorts of things. Tell me if you do or don't and feel free to share any creepy stories with me about stuff that happened to you! **

**Lots of love Twilightholic-Tanya  
(please excuse grammar or spelling mistakes for it is almost twelve AM in my town and I feel tired)**


	15. Just My Luck

**Song inspired chapter: Listen to your heart –DHT (or Roxette. Same song but hers is a faster version and the one I listen to is softer and slower. Same lyrics same tune.) **

* * *

Did I think that after what I had suffered I would end up…happy? No I doubted it, because the only thing that made me happy was being with Edward and I never thought that could happen.

Before I knew it the week had slipped out of my hands. We had taken walks and I went to visit Carlisle and Esme in Rockford, Illinois. That was about an hour trip maybe more. Of course Alice had planned group activities and for the first time I wasn't single.

I was with the most amazing man possible and it felt great. I didn't think I would be able to come off my high.

So I woke up Friday with a glum expression. I had three days here. Only three days and then I had to go back.

I had though about coming back to Chicago but I couldn't. I had signed a lease for one thing so I would have to stay for at least a year. I sighed and I felt my eyes water at the predicament.

It wasn't fair.

"Bella," Alice sang as she entered my room. Well her guest room and the room I was staying in.

I turned toward her and she plopped down on the bed making me jump.

"Alice," I sighed.

"What's wrong?" she asked and I turned on my side.

"I have three days left," I said glumly a frown taking over my face.

"I know, but we have to make it the best three days. Besides the way I see it it's only a year you're staying over there, so we could totally make this work. I mean Christmas you can come back and I plan on visiting you and I'm sure Edward will visit when he can. I'm sure we can all survive a year," she said still grinning.

"Still, I wish I hadn't moved in the first place, but at the time it was the best thing to do."

"I know, but well make this work. I promise."

I felt better and a smile lit my features. She made everything so much better. She got up and left the room with out another word. I couldn't believe it but for the first time in what felt like ages, I was happier than I ever expected to be.

--

"It's just too pretty," I sighed as I stared out toward the lake. The colorful lights shined in the water. The lake was a wavy reflection of the Pier. Below us people were walking around talking and a faint sound of music could be heard.

"I can't believe you've never been here before," Edward said as he played with my fingers. He sat back in his seat while I was sitting as close to the edge as I could. The harness holding me back.

He laughed at my expression. I'm sure I looked like a two year old on there first visit to the zoo, but I couldn't help myself.

He brought my hand to his lips and kissed it. I scooted back in my seat and leaned on him. "This doesn't amaze you?" I asked referring to the view.

Alice had dragged us to Navy Pier and currently we were riding the Ferris Wheel, Edward and me at the very top.

"It use to but a lot has changed since I last came here. A lot more things amaze me," he said lightly kissing my lips and pulling back before I could kiss back. I giggled and scooted at the end looking below me.

Alice was sitting in the seats below us her head buried in Jasper's side. She was terrified of heights. She only came on because Emmett said if she didn't go on with Jasper she would going on with him, and going on any ride with Emmett is a disaster. Even if you aren't afraid of a ride he'll make sure you are by the time you get off. But going on with him when you _are_ afraid of a ride is insane.

I laughed at the sight and scooted back toward Edward. My mind couldn't register that he was mine. Somehow it felt like a dream. You couldn't be this happy in real life. It just wasn't possible.

But I was being proven wrong.

He wrapped an arm around me. "I don't think you should leave," he said and I looked up at him with sad eyes.

"I don't want to leave either, but I have too. I mean we could last a year with lots of visits and tons of phone calls, right?" I asked but the answer was clear. We couldn't. Well at least I couldn't. A day was terrible and week was horrible and a month was torture but a whole year would kill me.

"We'll try I guess, maybe you can get out of it early," he said and played with the strands of my hair. "Maybe, but let's give it at least half a year, and then I'll talk to the landlord about it. He's nice enough, maybe I can work something out with him," I muttered and he squeezed my shoulder.

"Let's worry about that later, but not tonight," he said and brought his lips to mine. Soft and smooth and better than what I could ever imagine his kisses silenced me and chased away my worries.

Even after a week his kisses never seemed to give me a shock or send tingles down my spine. He was just _that_ good a kisser. The giggle that escaped me broke our kiss apart. I leaned toward him as they blasted Fire works. The night sky lit up with diffrent noises and you could hear gasp from people as the fire crackers took shape of some sort of object.

The lights faded and disappeared before our eyes. The lake played the exact samething but had the lights blurry and wavy. Still it was a moment that I would never forget.

--

Saturday was a day I had not expected.

My phone rang that Saturday and it was someone I would never have expected.

"Tanya?" I asked when I answered the phone that afternoon.

"Bella, it's so nice to hear your voice. I've missed you," she said sounding generally happy but there was something in her tone that brought the guilt back around me.

"I wasn't expecting you to-to call…" I stuttered my mind a mess.

"Well it's just I heard you were back in Chicago and I wanted to see you. Of course if you don't want to see me then that's fine but I just was curious whether or not you would take some time to visit me—"

"Yes of course I would love to see you Tanya," I said cutting her babbling short.

I heard her sigh in relief, before she told me where she we could meet.

--

I sat in the small but very comfortable coffee shop waiting for her. A latte in my hands. I had told Edward I would be out but something inside me told me not to tell him where I was going. Now that I was here I wondered if maybe I should have told him.

I didn't know why I kept it a secret; I mean I had nothing to hide.

Right?

"Bella," a cheery perky voice said and I looked up to see…Tanya?

She was different. Her pretty curly locks were no more. Her hair was shorter. A little pass chin length and her hair was now straight but you could see the hint of a wave from her past curly hair. It was still the lovely golden red that she had before.

She smiled at me and I forced one on me. She was just so different and then there was something about her that I couldn't pin point.

She took a seat across from me.

"You look…the same. Just like I remember you."

"I wish I could say the same." I laughed nervously.

"Oh well I did cut my hair and stuff but everything else is the same. I could have dyed my hair too, but I don't believe in that stuff. It's bad for your hair," she said rolling her eyes.

Why did she seem so different? It wasn't just the looks but there was something else.

Then it hit me like a ton of bricks.

She wasn't happy.

Her once icy blue eyes now seemed dimmed and pained and even though she wore a smile I could see that it was just a façade. My stomach flipped and I felt sick with guilt.

The last time I had seen her, she was the happiest woman on earth and now it seemed our roles had flipped.

"So how's Edward," she asked. She still loved Edward. I could tell by the way she said his name. It was the exact same way I said it.

"He's good, I was sorry to hear about you guys," I said looking down at my latte.

"Yea, well what can I say? I guess we rushed things and it just didn't work out for _us_, but…" she left the sentence unfinished and I looked up to see what she wanted to say.

"I want to thank you so much, Bella, for being my angel. I'm glad you can have your happy ending and you deserve it. You deserve it more than anyone has ever deserved anything," she said but I could see pain scorching behind her eyes.

No, this was _not_ what I wanted.

"Tanya, can I ask something?"

"Of course,"

"Can I trust you to give me the answer no matter what it may be?"

"I will,"

"What _exactly_ happened between you and Edward? Why did you break up?" I asked hating the words as I said them.

"I broke it up." She answered.

"But why?"

"Because you guys deserve to be together. It was the best for you guys and I was tired of being in the middle. I know you love him and I knew he loved you just as much. I wanted an angel to get what should be hers. I wasn't going to take it away from you," she said and my eyes grew wide.

"Do you still love him?" I said my eyes filling with tears.

There was silence for a long time before her answer came.

"I do, but it's over," she said and I glanced at her to see her head looking down.

"Because of me?" I snapped.

"No, Bella it had nothing to—"

"Yes it did and you're only making it worse by saying it didn't. I can't be with Edward when I know that I was the reason that came between you guys. I went through all of the stupid pain so you guys could stay together and now you're telling me I was the one who split you up!" I shouted and stood up from the table.

I ran out the door and I heard Tanya calling my name.

I didn't turn back and I didn't stop. I got into the car and headed to Edward's house.

--

"Bella what's wrong?" he asked when I stormed into the house.

"Edward, do you still love her?" I asked my face had already been tear stained and fresh round of tears streaked down my cheeks.

"Love who? What's going on?"

"_Tanya,_ do you still love Tanya?" I asked and he froze.

"Bella I—"

He was shaking his head but he wasn't answering the question.

"You can't tell me that after being together for a year and breaking up, that you suddenly don't have any feelings for her?" I said narrowing my eyes.

He looked at me and his eyes shined with the answer. My heart broke. I expected it, I did but seeing it in his eyes hurt. He did still love her, how could I expect anything otherwise.

"I knew you did" I whispered the pain I was trying to keep in leaking out my voice.

"Bella, I do love Tanya—"

Those were the only words I needed to hear in order to do what I did.

"Edward I can't be with you," I said bluntly.

"_What?_ Why?" he asked stunned.

"Because it was my fault. Everything was my fault and I'm not going to stand in the way of something that would have happened if you never would have met me. Admit it, Edward. If it wasn't for me you and Tanya would be together and married. I screwed it all up!"

"Bella no you didn't! Yes, the wedding would have happened and we would have still been together but—"

"I'm leaving, Edward, and come Sunday I'm going to go back to Seattle where I belong. Do me a favor and please just leave me alone," I said before walking out of his house and running away.

Something told me that I should have listened to what both Edward and Tanya had to say, but at the moment I was running away from it. I knew there was a reason I moved to Seattle and it was to avoid all of this. To avoid everything that this stupid triangle created. To avoid the pain.

The mistake I made, wasn't going to Seattle, but leaving it and coming back. Because now the pain I felt was three times worse than before. It was worse because Edward _had_ been mine. He was mine and before he was always someone else's.

I just couldn't avoid pain could I?

The happy memories I had all this week seemed to disappear and all I could see was the pain. It clouded my head and covered the memories. It covered everything and I knew that this just wasn't meant to be, because if it was why would it come with so much pain.

My once over joyed heart was now broken and even the broken pieces were breaking.

I was foolish not to see it coming.

--

Alice let me cry the rest of that Saturday. She comforted me and left me in the bedroom. She didn't ask questions until I was ready to give them to her. She just let me be and come Sunday she drove me to the airport.

"You're still coming for Christmas right?" she asked as she took the duffle bag out the car and I took my suitcase.

"Of course. I'll spend another week with you," I said smiling a forced watery smile.

She wrapped her arms around me and I felt liquid on my shirt. She was crying. I dropped my suitcase and hugged her tightly. "I'm not trying to punish anyone," I whispered and she nodded.

"I know and you deserve to be happy," she said already knowing what had passed. I couldn't keep anything away from her.

"I love you Alice."

"I love you too."

I hated boarding the pain. People pushed you if you stayed in one spot to long and it was always so crowded, but today none of that seemed to matter to my me. I was numb.

"Bella?" I heard a voice call and tried to look over the tall gentleman who was standing behind me glaring. I didn't know why he was so angry, but I really didn't care.

"Bella," I heard the voice call more loudly.

I finally found where it was coming from.

Edward was running to me. Why was he here? he stopped when he was close enough to me to speak.

"Bella I need you to know, that I love you. I love you more than Tanya, even if it does sound cruel. I did love Tanya, but I don't blame you for splitting us up. I blame myself for falling in love with some, when I hadn't yet to meet my soul mate. I love you Bella and I always will. It's too late for me even if you do go I can never go back with Tanya. Leaving me, won't fix anything that's already happened," he told me.

"Why are you telling me this now?" I asked angrily but in truth my heart was soaring at the words.

I gave the lady my ticket and looked at Edward.

"Because I won't make the same mistake twice." He whispered and I shook my head.

"It's too late Edward. I have to go," I said and earned a small shove from the man behind me. I walked into the hall and out of Edward's sight.

"Bella marry me?" he shouted and I froze. I turned to go back and see if he really just asked me that but the man who stood behind me blocked my way and kept walking forward and before I knew it was I being dragged onto the plane by the crowd behind me.

Had Edward really just asked me to marry him?

I tried to push past the crowd but it was already too late.

He had just asked me to marry him and I was stuck on a plane to Seattle.

Just my luck.

* * *

**Okay so I made it a bit angsty and then I did a little ironic twist at the end so it wouldn't turn out sad. Tell me is it good? I hope so.  
Also I am sorry for the wait but school is a bummer and I have been busy with test and homework and stuff. So whatever. But OMG 400 reviews guys that is so freaking amazing. My first story to ever make it to 400 reviews. I love every single one of you reviewers. Don't think you don't know who you are. Even if you only reviewed for one chapter this goes out to you because you helped. So thanks so much. I can't believe this story was such a hit.**

**Anyway I have a new story out called **_**LOVE FORBID**_** I think it's good so if you would check it out and leave reviews that would make me happy.  
**

**Review for me, please!**

**Lots of love Twilightholic-Tanya**


	16. Afraid of Happiness?

**Song inspired chapter: One Step at a Time-Jordin Sparks **

* * *

What was I suppose to do? Call him?

No, I couldn't bring myself to do it. The coward in me, refused to get hurt again and it wouldn't feel right if I just asked him over the phone. It just didn't feel… _right_.

So I stood in Seattle afraid to pick up the phone or look at emails. I was afraid if I thought I heard him asked me was true. So instead I hid like a coward all the way across the country. I just couldn't bring myself to talk to him.

_It's better for you Bella!_

I told myself that over and over again but it didn't feel better for me. How could I just avoid him after what we had been through? How could I just avoid him after he asked me _that_? How could I?

The sad thing was I had no answer to that question. None at all.

The phone rang again and I heisted my hand over the phone, whether or not to pick it up.

I sighed and finally picked it up.

"Hello?" I said holding my breath. I heard a gasp on the other end. Did he just…

"How could you!" Jake shouted over the phone. I held it arms length from my ear.

"How dare you come to Chicago the one week I'm not there?! Did it ever occur to you that maybe, just maybe I would want to see you too? But, no dear old Bella decides to come the one time I go Pennsylvania to visit Lizzy's family. She doesn't care about little old Jakey!" he continued to shout and even with the phone at arms length I heard every word loud and clear.

I wasn't going to bring the phone any closer unless I was sure he wouldn't bring an out burst.

I heard a softer muffle on the phone but I couldn't make out the words and I was too afraid of permanently damaging my ear drums to bring the phone to my ear. I heard a huff and then Jake said, "Fine."

"Bella it's okay you can bring the phone to you ear," I heard Alice yell.

Slowly I brought the phone to my ear.

"Hello?" I said softer and braced myself for Jake's yelling but I heard only a sigh.

"Where have you've been? I haven't been able to contact you for a week! The only thing that kept me from calling the FBI was when I called your work the assured me that you were there just were really busy. I've sent you like fifty emails I think I even wrote a letter but with snail mail it probably won't get to you until, January!" Alice lashed out on me. Not in a voice as loud as Jake's but still you could tell she was holding the phone away in order to shout in it.

"Alice I've had a lot on my mind and…I just couldn't talk to anyone," I said in a soft sigh.

"Couldn't talk to anyone or avoiding someone?" Jake asked.

"Do you have me on 3-way?" I asked.

"Yes," they both answered.

"Look right now is just not the time," I said.

"Bella you can't run away from everything! You might think you're doing it for the better but deep down you know that you don't have to. The only reason you're running away is because you afraid to get hurt," Alice said softly as if sensing I was about to hang up the phone.

I just stared at the phone stunned. What?

"No I am not." I said harshly.

"Bella you're only hurting yourself by doing this! Just because your afraid of being _happy_." She spat and then I heard a sigh.

"I am not! I did it because no matter what it will not work out for me!" I said feeling my temper flare.

"Um, girls…"

"How do you know? You won't even give it a try!" she shot back.

"Girls, I think I'm just—"

"Why bother give it a try it a try if it's not going to work out!"

"You know what, I think I'm—"

"You don't know that! Stop being such a coward!" she snapped.

"Yea I'm just gonna go—"

"I am not a coward," I said but I could feel that it wasn't the complete truth.

"Then why won't you try to work things out! Why do you seem to run every time things start to look up for you?"

"Oh yea, things were really looking up for me when I told the man of my dreams that I loved him and his _fiancée _was right there? Things were really looking up when I thought she was pregnant and things were all the way on top when I was caught in a freaking love triangle!" I snapped and I heard a soft sigh.

"Okay I give you that! But you came back and things were going perfect everything was fine. He loved you back and then you find out that Tanya still has feelings for him and you flee. She's an _ex_. Of course there gonna have feelings for each other but Tanya broke up with _him_. Not vice versa. So why did you run?

"You ran because you knew things would end up working out in your favor. You knew there was a slight chance you could be happy and you left!" she shouted and I felt the anger leave me.

"Alice I didn't leave because she had feelings for him. _I_ left because I was the reason she broke up with him. I can't be with him when I know I'm the reason that she's not with him!" I snapped.

"No Bella, she left him because she couldn't live with the fact that she was keeping both of you from happiness. It was her choice and she doesn't regret it, but you just can't break up with him!"

"Yes I can! And I did"

"But why? Things would have worked out, you knew that!"

"Because…because I can't do it. It feels too good. I feel too happy and I know it can't last. That it's going to come crashing down and it's gonna kill me if that happens. I just can't do it Alice!" I whispered in the phone and felt myself break into a sob.

"Oh, Bella," I heard Alice sigh and I clutched the phone with both hands.

She was my life line and I wouldn't, I couldn't let her go.

"That won't happen. When things are meant to be they just happen," she sighed and I sniffed.

"But I'm so sick of it Alice. But it's the thing that keeps me sane. I hate living this stupid heart breaking life, but when I feel happy I keep feeling like it's not going to last. Like's it going to just fade away and then I'm going to be left alone and the pain will be a hundred time worse than what I already felt," I said and my eyes watered.

"No, Bella. You can't live in unhappiness forever. It's gonna get better but that's only if you let it and feel happy about today and don't think about the future," she said and I laughed a little.

I heard Alice sigh in relief that she had made me feel better and I wiped my eyes.

"I love you Alice," I sighed into the phone and I could picture her get a big cheesy grin over her face.

"Hey, Bella?"

"Yea?" I asked.

"Where's Jake?"

It was quiet for a moment but I heard no other voices or sounds.

"I think—"

"He hung up on us?" Alice shouted and I broke in a mountain of giggles.

--

I hated Sundays.

The small diner had no costumers in the morning and that was my shift. I much rather have the lunch shift. People got out of church and that meant a lot more money for the day.

Instead I would probably walk out of here with a total of twenty bucks in tips.

"Would you like more coffee?" I asked the old man who sat at the corner of the diner. He came in every morning, had a few cups of coffee and left.

The other waitresses complained he was a bad tipper but I always got a ten dollar tip from him and he ordered was 3 cups of coffee's. He never spoke and he never smiled. He didn't even meet my eyes. He just nodded and I pored more coffee into his mug.

"You weren't here, for a while? Isn't a bit too early to go on vacation? I mean you just started," he said in a deep rough voice. I had never heard him speak to anyone before. I was stunned. I quickly recovered.

"I was visiting some friends back in Chicago," I said and placed the coffee down on the table and he looked up.

His twinkling blue eyes met my own and a soft smile played on his lips.

His eyes were filled with a some sort of pain I didn't understand.

"I like you. You've seen a lot and you may be young but your eyes are ancient. As though you've seen the world over and over again," he said softly and I titled my head. I looked around the diner and I knew it wasn't busy. Besides there was another waitress on shift with me.

I sat down across from him and folded my hands on the table in front of him.

I just sat across form him unsure what to say but he spoke up.

"You remind me, of Griselda," he said and I scrunched my brows.

"Who's Griselda?"

"You ask too many questions," he grumbled stood up and left.

I was shocked. I only asked one question. I stood up and realized he hadn't paid but when I went to take his mug I saw a couple bills on his seat. I smiled and picked them up. He may be a strange grouchy old man but he made my day.

Still I wondered who Griselda was.

Maybe she was his wife. Maybe she was a lost loved. Maybe she was his daughter.

Yet something told me that she was some one he loved. Someone he didn't get to love. Maybe that was the reason for his strange behavior. Maybe that was the reason for the pain I saw behind his eyes.

While I was pondering this new information, I wasn't paying attention to my feet. Before I knew it my feet got tangled and I was falling forward but instead of hitting the floor like I was expecting to I fell into some one's arms.

My eyes, which had closed tightly while I was tripping, opened and I was met with a pair of stunning green eyes.

Edward?

* * *

**Okay so what do you think? Again I want to apologize to those who thought my story was over. It is not and I have more chapters planned because I'm not ready to give this story up.**

**Also someone had asked me why I named the story **_**WAITNG FOR TWILIGHT**_**; I named it after the song it was inspired for. Instead of Waiting for Tonight, I just put waiting for Twilight. Anyway I just wanted to answer that question. **

**Okay so lease review for me and I will try and get an update out ASAP.**

**Lots of Love Twilightholic-Tanya  
****(please excuse any grammer or spelling mistakes. I have come down with the common cold and feel like crap.)**

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**,\**

**I would like to take a moment to remember those who lost their lives in the tragic event of September 11, 2001. To the heros and the innocent. They will never be forgotten!**


	17. False Alarms

Waiting for twilight

**Song inspired chapter: Everywhere – Michelle Branch **

* * *

My eyes shut tightly and I tried to get them to open but my body wouldn't let me.

"Sorry, miss," the man said and set me right before letting me go. The voice was too deep and rough. I opened my eyes and took a good look at the man. His eyes were green, but not a deep color green and they were dimmer. They weren't the summer grass green color I had fallen in love with but more like an apple green color.

His hair was a warmish blonde color and he was a bit shorter. He wasn't who I though he was.

I nodded and walked away afraid to speak. My throat felt tight and my chest seemed to hurt. Maybe it was because for a slight second I had hoped it was someone _else_. I had hoped it was _him_.

I was wrong and it killed me. But I wasn't suppose to want him here, I ran away from him. I was all the way across the country, and he wasn't here.

I sighed and went to take my next order.

--

"So how are you holding, up?" Alice asked me on the phone.

"Fine," but I sounded far from it.

"You could come home you know," Alice said softly and I sighed.

"No I can't. It's not an option anymore."

"Bella—"

"I don't want to fight and I just can't come home. I made a decision and I'm sticking to it and waiting to see how it plays out," I told her.

"But you're not happy," she whispered and I fought the urge to hang up the phone.

"Alice," I begged and I knew she would just drop the subject, because if she continued I don't think I would be able to handle it anymore.

"I'm just trying to get some sense into you. If you would—" her voice was gone and it took me a moment to realize I had hung up with her. I stared at the phone in shock. Never had I ever hung up on Alice.

I don't know what exactly happened just then. It was like I had just realized how far in the pit I was and I broke down and cried. Something I had been able to avoid for weeks. I just let it all out.

But something was different. I didn't have Alice to hold me from my shudders and I didn't have Edward to make me stop. I didn't even have Tanya to hold me on to me. To hold me here. I was alone and the cries seemed to echo in the house.

Before I knew it, morning had come and the tears were gone.

--

"Would you like some more coffee?" I asked the old man who was looking at his cup, his face hidden from view by the hat he was wearing.

He pushed his coffee mug outward and I poured into it. I turned to leave but his voice stopped me.

"You're different today," he said barely above a whisper. I was surprised I heard it because the small diner was filling up and the noise was increasing yet I heard his voice loud and clear.

"Lots of things are different," I whispered back and turned to him. He was looking at me with his pale blue eyes.

He broke out the smallest of smiles and looked back down.

"Griselda once told me that," he said mentioning that elusive name again.

"Did she?" I asked placing my free hand on my hip.

"She was a beauty, she was," he sighed and I could see his eyes fill with a twinkle of happiness and sadness.

"What happened?" I asked and he shook his head and stared at his coffee.

I stood there wondering if I was going to get an answer but after a minute of silence I knew he dropped the subject so I turned again.

"I let her go," he said and I froze. I nodded after a minute and walked away.

"May, get back here," I saw a red headed woman chasing after a small toddler. I was instantly reminded of the time I tripped because of the little boy and the glowing green eyes I had met. The strong arms that had wrapped themselves around me.

I looked away from the mother and child and went into the kitchen to get the orders.

--

I missed my bus. Of course I had to miss my bus. Never did I have a day where something just didn't go wrong.

It was drizzling and I wasn't going to wait an hour for another bus. I'd walk.

It would take less time anyway.

I paid attention to my feet and was again reminded of all the walks we had together. Of all the times he had laughed. A biker passed by me and I remembered when he pulled me out of the way. I remembered him wrapping his arms around me and our eyes locking and the elderly lady.

My eyes watered and I could feel the warm tears sliding down my cheeks. It was such a difference from the cold rain.

It was raining a bit harder now and I was getting soaked. I saw a book shop just a few feet away. I could go in there until the rain slowed some.

I did just that and stepped into the book store. Not many people were in here, but it wasn't completely empty. Some sat in the chairs looking out the window, perhaps waiting for the rain to stop, or for someone to pick them up.

Some scanned the book titles and other stood by the door chatting in hushed voices.

I went into the rows of books and let my eyes wonder through the titles. My fingers lightly traced the spine of the books and I remembered the last time I had been into a book store. The time I had realized my Prince Charming wasn't looking for his Cinderbella, because he had found his Snow White.

My eyes fogged when I realized Snow White was no longer in the picture.

I bumped into someone and backed away. There back was turned away from me but I could see the reddish brown hair. The man turned around and I mumbled an apology.

What was with the look a likes?

I turned and headed toward the door.

The rain was pouring down but I didn't care anymore. I wanted to get home and just cry.

I could see his smile and his eyes and his perfectly tousled hair. The looks he would give and the conversations we would have.

They were all there. They were all stuck in my head. The time we shared our first kiss and when he told me how he felt.

The day at the wedding.

They day he told _me_ that he loved me.

When I left him and he told me to marry him.

I acted like such an idiot. What was wrong with me?

Then I remembered the old man at the diner. _I let her go_.

Had he been in a similar situation, but didn't fight for her. Did he have a chance with Griselda and blew it. You could see he regretted it. Would I turn out like that?

Would I convince myself I didn't love him and then regret every second of it 50 years later? Would I blow my chance with him?

My shoulder was bumped by someone.

"Sorry miss," a voice said and looked up to be met with hazel green eyes. The man smiled sheepishly and rushed off.

I opened the door that led to the hall of my building. Slowly I walked up the stairs dripping wet until I reached my door. I didn't know why I didn't notice before but I did when I heard the voice.

"Bella," the soft voice that haunted my dreams whispered and I looked up and was met with emerald green eyes and a face that belonged to an angel.

"Edward?"

This time it wasn't a false alarm.

* * *

**Okay I liked this chapter and just to let you know now, my story is coming to a close. I know it's sad but it's true, because I can't keep this going on forever. I don't know how many more chapters but there isn't much. sigh**

**Okay so anyway review for me so I could have the motivation to post another chapter up and quicker, please. **

**Okay so someone asked me my age! I bet some of you are curious to see how old I am. Some of you may already know because I had posted it on my profile but I took it out. So I will give you choices and you guess how old I am okay. The choices are the following:  
…(a) 13… (b) 15…(c) 17…**

**So pick one, you might be right and I'll post my real age and who got it right in the next chapter. **

**Review!**

**Lots of Love Twilightholic-Tanya**


	18. Promising Moments

Waiting for Twilight

**Song inspired Chapter pt. 1: A Moment like This- Leona Lewis (or Kelly Clarkson)**

* * *

I stood staring at him and my breath became shallow. I knew I missed him but seeing him right not was like living in black and white and suddenly seeing in Technicolor.

"Bella," he said softly because my eyes were wide and frozen. I stared at him barely breathing and my heart hurt to look at him.

"Why…what…I…" I felt like an idiot I couldn't even say a decent sentence. But it didn't matter because my actions spoke for me. I turned and ran down the hall and down the stairs.

"Bella!" I heard Edward call and his foot steps as he chased me from behind.

I ran outside and the rain hit me hard, like a cold bucket of water.

I hadn't realized it had started to pour harder.

Still I ran down the empty sidewalk and deserted streets.

I ran because Alice was right with every word she said. I was terrified of being happy. I was scared I would end up giving it all only to have it broken.

The rain covered the tears that slid down my cheeks and I was suddenly grabbed from my shoulders and turned around.

Edward was looking down at me his hair clinging to his forehead and his faced covered in droplets of water making him even more beautiful that I ever thought he could be. I could see his eyes through the shield of water that came between as bright and alive as the sun itself.

"Why are you running?"

That was his simple question. It didn't come out angry or indignant. It just came out as though he just wanted to know. As though he were asking a child what they were drawing.

"Edward it won't work," I said back and his hands fell off my shoulders.

"What won't work?" he asked bewildered. I could see confusion in his eyes as clear as the sky itself.

"Us, Edward. We won't work," I said trying to make it clear. His eyes turned dark and he glared.

"Why not?"

"It just won't. We're not supposed to be together; if we were wouldn't we have known before? Wouldn't we have met earlier?" I said taking a few steps back. My clothes and hair were drenched in water.

The tears sliding down my cheek in camouflage with the rain.

"Bella, not everything works out like a fairy tale! I didn't know two years back I was going to meet an amazing woman that would turn my world upside down. I didn't know any of it, but if I did I would have sure as hell looked for her sooner, if she was you," he said again not taking any steps near me, not even moving, like he was afraid I would run away with any sudden movement.

At the moment I probably would have.

"Edward, I—" I shook my head trying to find words.

"Bella, the important thing is I found you now. Don't you think that means _anything_? Don't you think that's a hint we should be together?" he said his eyes flashing in anger.

"But what if it doesn't work?" I whispered. I looked down at my feet listening to the rain hit the pavement. I felt a warm hand on my neck and looked up to see his eyes staring down at my own.

"We have to take a chance sometimes," he said and I wanted so much to let go of my fear and just go with it. I just wanted to live as happy as I could for as long as possible, but it never worked out that way. If this didn't work out, I don't think I would be able to survive the pain. It would be too strong, too acute.

"I can't…what if it's wasted on us? I don't want to hurt again" I asked and he smiled.

"How will we ever know if we don't try, and if we don't try we'll wonder our whole lives how'll it would have ended up? Not making this work, Bella, it would be something I would regret for the rest of my life. I won't let you go, and as long as it's in my power, I will never ever hurt you, Bella, not anymore," he said and his eyes flashed an emotion I couldn't understand.

His hand raised itself to my cheek and leaned into his hand. The rain was had ceased to lighten up but I barely felt it.

"How do I know that?" I said trying to keep the argument up but I had no idea why.

"Because I love you, and if you tell me you don't feel the same, I won't ever bother you again, I'll leave you alone, but only if you could tell me that much," he said his eyes looked hurt and…afraid. As though I had the power to tell him a bold face lie.

"I can't," I whispered.

"Then why are pushing me away?"

"Edward I—" I started but my lips soon became occupied when he laid his lips on mine. The shock that had never faded went through my body a hundred times stronger and my hands went to his hair in a gripping force. I crushed my body closer to him and felt his arms wrap around my waist.

He was right. I would regret it if I didn't take the chance and try to work it out. I had met my soul mate, the love of my life, whatever you wanted to call it, I had met him and I would have been an idiot to try to avoid him.

Some people never found something this strong; they married their best friends, rather than their true love. They married a perfect man rather than their soul mate. But I had found my person, and I would be stupid to let him out of my life.

So why was I pushing him away?

I didn't have a reason anymore.

Maybe I would be ever to have my happily ever after. Edward was right, life wasn't a fairy tale and we would hit snags along the way, but we would overcome them and even though fairy tales weren't real, happily ever afters were.

* * *

**Song Inspired Chapter pt. 2: Waiting for Tonight- Jennifer Lopez**

-

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-

_**MARCH**_

-

-

-

"Was this really necessary?" I asked as I stared at the mirror. My eyes darkened and my lips bright. My cheeks pink, not of my own accord but of the blush. My hair in shiny mahogany curls all down my back.

"Absolutely," Alice said with a smug grin.

I sighed and looked down at my dress. It was again simple and white as snow. It was off the shoulder and the sleeves were long. The dress glittered in light and reminded me of the dress I had worn last year only this was different. It seemed even whiter than last year. This year I felt more confident. I felt as beautiful as everyone kept telling me I was.

I smiled as the girl in the mirror. The girl who looked like she belonged on a stage. The girl that was me.

"So I really have to go to this?" I said in a teasing voice and Alice glared.

"Yes, but you'll enjoy it this year, I promise," she said and grabbed my hand and led me out the bedroom and toward the car where Jasper was waiting.

--

The ball room was made to look as though we were outside. Winter theme this year. The lights made the ball room look whiter than usual and the wooden floors I had remembered last year looked like ice.

The band played a slow song and Alice smiled as she looked around.

"Beautiful isn't it?" she asked and I laughed.

"It is," I said watching the couples in tuxes and gowns dancing away. Alice grabbed my hand again and led me to her table. Alice's dress was a dimmer white. It had a deep v shape neckline and the skirt was silky smooth, not glittery like mine.

As I looked around the dance floor men's tuxedos ranged from black to white, some trying to keep up with the theme.

The Twilight Ball.

I took my seat and Alice left to the dance floor with Jasper.

I waited as I watched couples flow to the music and become one.

"Would you like to dance?" a soft voice said. The voice that haunted my dreams and greeted me every day and sent me to bed every night.

I looked up and was once again stunned by the color of his eyes. Such a rare color.

I nodded and took his hand as he led me to the dance floor. "You look stunning," he complimented. My cheeks turned red and I looked away from his eyes.

"Thank you," I muttered and he held me as we began to dance.

I couldn't believe it had been a year. A year since I had met Edward at this exact same dance floor. It was a year full of heart break and tears and it was filled with confusion and anger. But in the end it really was worth it all because it all worked out.

Tanya had met someone and she called every once in a while. When I heard her talk I could tell she was happy, she no longer said Edward's name with the kind of love I said it, but with a different kind of love. She was had met her match and I had met mine.

I smiled at the memory of what I had been through, and then I smiled knowing that I was afraid of… _this_. Of what I had right now.

_Happiness_

I was happy for the first time in my life. It was a different kind of happy. I had always been content with my life, but now it felt like I had filled every moment with something special.

"Why the smile?" Edward asked.

"I was just remembering," I said.

"What?"

"The first time we met," I whispered and he smiled.

"You changed my world you know, I had everything all figured out but you went and just made a mess of it, but I'm glad you did," he said and leaned down to give me a kiss.

I smiled at the light peck.

"I never thought it would work out okay," I said amazed.

"I never thought it would work out better than okay. More like phenomenal." He corrected and I grinned.

I glanced at my hand with the golden ring. It glittered brighter than anything else in the light and it showed his promise to me. It showed the promise of the future.

It showed the promise that I would never be alone again. I wouldn't cry myself to sleep; I would be happy and sleep in the arms I was dancing in tonight. It showed I would be happy.

"It did," I said simply.

I had met my Prince Charming.

* * *

**Okay guys it's SORTA done. I only have to put an epilogue up and when I do then it will be officially done. **

**I am so sorry for the wait but well I had 5 test, 2 quizzes and a history project which was worth like half my grade all this week so I'm sorry. **

**Any way the winners of who guess my age are below:**

**!. **_**Aliya Regatti  
**_**!. **_**CierraIsACullen  
**_**!. **_**Fatima-FireandIce**_

**Not so many winners, but I understand. It's because I sound older than what I really am. THE ANSWER: 13.  
**_**GASP**_** yea I know, but I am really mature for my age so don't feel worried if you got it wrong because I know I'm older for my age. I've been told thousands of times. I guess I just faced stuff in my life that force me to grow up faster, and I still act older than my age because now if I act childish, people look at me disappointed because of how they know I could act. So yea. Shocker. ;) besides I'll be 14 in November. **

****

Anyway review for me and tell me what you think of this chapter and I'll get the epilogue up ASAP!  
(oh and thanx a millon for the reviews on the last chapter. thanx thanx Thanx .)

**Lots of (young) love Twilightholic-Tanya **


	19. Happy Endings

**Song inspired chapter: All-American Girl-Carrie Underwood**

* * *

_**FIVE YEARS LATER**_

**EPOV**

I stared at her lying in the bed. Her hair a mess against the pillows and her face pale. Her breathing was slow and she gave me a weak smile. I couldn't believe how beautiful she looked at the moment.

I glanced at the bundle of sheets I held in my hand. The small pink face. Her hair a dim copper color. She looked like her mother in a way. She lay sleeping in my arms every once in and a while she would make a noise.

"Can I hold her?" Bella whispered and I smiled as I gently passed her the small little angel.

I kissed Bella's head and heard her whisper, "She's just too beautiful." I smiled.

She stared at the small child with such love and joy. Her eyes lit in a way I had never seen them before and suddenly the joy was too much.

Bella's eyes were drifting close and I went to take the baby from her arms. "No, I want her," she mumbled barely making it sound like English. "Get some rest, I'll take care of her," I told Bella and she nodded and handed me the baby.

I glanced at Bella who was looking at me. Her head had dropped against the pillows and she wore a smile on her face. "I guess you got what you wanted," she said and I smiled. "Don't I always," I teased and she laughed.

"You're the only man I know who would want there first child to be a girl, I mean _I_ even wanted the baby to be a boy. You're just weird," she said and I laughed a bit louder.

She smiled again before letting her eyes close and then the smile wore off her face and she was sleeping.

I looked at the child in front of me.

"Aren't you just something else?" I whispered softly for the baby had woken. Her eyes focusing on nothing and he fist rubbing against her cheeks.

"You're very special," I whispered back and the dark eyes looked toward me.

I couldn't believe we had gotten this far. We had a _child_. A little baby girl who looked liker her beautiful mother and it made me shudder to think that we almost didn't even get this far.

"You are so lucky. You're going to have a beautiful loving mother and were going to take care of you and raise you and help you with school," I said smiling at the child. I could see her get older and start school.

I could see Bella and her sitting at the table doing homework when I came home from work. I could see Bella combing her hair before bed and I could see us taking her to zoo's and throwing birthday parties.

I could see it and I knew it would be mine.

I could see our daughter taking her first steps and saying her first words and I could see myself being a father.

I rocked the baby gently and heard a knock at the door. It creaked open and Alice poked her head in. "Can we come in?" Alice whispered and I nodded.

She opened the door and came in with Jake tailing behind her.

She squeaked and looked at the blankets.

"Is that her?" she asked and I rolled my eyes at the stupid question but couldn't keep the soft smile off my lips.

She ran over to me and looked down at the baby.

"Oh my god, she's adorable," she breathed barely audible and I smiled wider. I glanced over at Bella who was sound asleep. She was tired and I couldn't blame her, what woman wasn't tired after _that_. After bringing a brand new beautiful life into the world.

"She has Bella's eyes," Jake whispered looking at the baby and I nodded. "Makes her even more beautiful," I stated simply and he nodded staring at the baby in awe.

"Oh, stop. You act like you've never seen a child before," Alice said and half-heartedly smacked his arm but she could see the reason for the awe. The baby was to adorable. I had never seen a child otherwise.

Alice walked over to Bella and smoothed her messy hair.

Bella's eyes fluttered and she looked up at her best friend. "Hey," she said her voice raspy.

"Hey, Bells, how you feeling?"

"Tired."

"Wow you're a mess!" Jake blurted out and I sighed. He acted like a child at times.

"Thanks so much. I'll be sure to where make up next time I'm pushing a baby out of me!" Bella said her sarcasm weak because of her exhaustion.

"How…like…did…" Alice seemed to stumble on her words.

"Next time I want drugs and the legal limit of drugs in me," Bella mumbled and I laughed remembering she had wanted to go naturally.

"Next time?" I asked and raised and eyebrow. Bella turned her head toward me and her cheeks tinted the lightest of pinks.

"Of course," was her simple answer. I nodded agreeing and turned my head toward my newborn daughter. I heard Bella yawn and I knew she must have fallen asleep again.

"Night," I heard Jacob's rough whisper.

"What's her name?" Alice whispered coming to my side again.

I smiled and Alice lightly nudged my shoulder.

"She wants to call her Renesemee," I said and Jacob laughed. "That's Bella for you. Never wanting to come up with anything normal," he joked. "I like it," Alice replied and I nodded.

"So do I."

o.0.o.0.o.0

_**BPOV**_

"Oh Nessie, how'd you get dirty," I asked when she walked in through the front door her cheeks covered in dirt and hand prints on her shirt.

"She wanted to catch a butterfly," Edward mumbled walking in behind her. He was trying to brush off the dirt on his own shirt. I laughed and looked down at Nessie.

She smiled and nodded.

I shook my head and went to get a paper towel to wipe off her cheeks. Her big brown eyes stared at me in adoration and I kissed her rosy cheeks.

"I love you," I whispered as I placed her on my lap and wiped away the brown smudges.

"I love you" she breathed into my ear and I felt a smile warm my face. I couldn't get enough of this little girl. She ruled my world and I could tell Edward felt the same way. He couldn't deny her anything.

"Tanya called, she wanted to invite us to dinner next week if we could make it," I said and met Edward's eyes. His brightened and he smiled at me. "I have nothing against that," he said and I chuckled.

"Of course that is if Alice doesn't decide to pop her child out," Edward said and the then stumbled forward. He looked behind him to see the small fairy. The small fairy with a a huge growing belly.

Neisse's face lit up and her smile took over her face. Alice was too busy glaring at Edward. "It is not funny. He's been in here for a week now. He's overdue!" Alice snapped and Edward just chuckled.

"Calm down Alice. The doctor said it was perfectly normal. It's better being over due rather than premature," I said and she shrugged but glared at my husband. Even after 7 years of marriage the words sent a thrill through my body.

Maybe it was because I knew that I was lucky. Maybe it was because I never thought I could have so much but I got it all. Maybe it was because I was still grateful and never took him, or Nessie for grated. But whatever the reason was, I felt the same tingle.

"Come here baby give me a kiss," Alice said and kneeled as much as she could and Nessie jumped off my leg and ran to her.

I got up the chair to see Jasper coming in.

"So you hungry?" I asked and Alice's hazel eyes glowed. I laughed and went to set up dinner.

--

"Story, please!" she begged as I threw the blankets around her.

"Hmm…what do you want to hear!" I asked and a thoughtful expression crossed her small features. I bit my lip to keep from laughing.

"Cinderella," she whispered and I nodded and began to tell her the tale.

I remember having to tell Alice this story to get back to sleep after having a nightmare. The dream had haunted me that I could still see it if I closed my eyes. I remember screaming because of the child I though would never be in my reach. I almost laughed at the irony.

I had the little child right here.

That had been such a long time ago that I barely remembered having so much heart break and hurt when right now I couldn't be happier than I ever was.

"So the wicked step mother set a plan to keep her from going to the ball…" my voice drifted as I realized she had fallen asleep. I smiled and kissed her forehead as I lifted myself from the bed slowly.

I walked out of the room and turned off her light making sure to close the door.

I bumped into something and stumbled foreword but two strong arms caught me and kept me from falling.

"Oh," I gasped and turned around.

"You eavesdropper," I accused when his crooked smiled appeared on his perfect lips.

"I'm sorry but I enjoy listening to you. You're such a great storyteller," he complimented and my cheeks turned pink.

"So tell me something?" he asked and I looked up.

"What?"

"After Cinderella finds her Prince Charming what happens?" he asked and I smiled.

"Do you really not know?" I teased.

"I would like too," he whispered and kissed me.

"They live happily ever after," I said against his lips.

"Just like us?"

"Just like us."

_THE END!_

* * *

**So sad to have my favorite story finish but it must come to an end and it finally did. **

**But if you like this story than I suggest you check out LOVE FORBID. I just got started on it and I think you would like it. So please check it out.**

**Also I would love reviews from you wonderful reviewers. **

**I also wanted to say thank you for reviewing. I can't tell you how much I enjoy this and it really made me happy that my story had attracted so many fans. So thank you. **

**Okay following this chapter will be a list of all the songs that insipid the story. In other words a playlist. **

**Review please!!**

**Lost of love Twilightholic-Tanya **


	20. Playlist

**Playlist for **_**Waiting for Twilight**_**.  
****If you want to hear any of the songs I have a link on my profile. **

**1. Waiting for Tonight-Jennifer Lopez**

**2. Reflections- Christina ****Aguilera/ Clumsy –Fergie**

**3. Thunder- Boys like Girls.**

**4. I Won't Say(I'm in Love)-Disney**

**5. Why Can't I? – Liz Phair**

**6. Obsession (No Es Amor)-Frankie J ft. Baby Bash**

**7. Kiss the Girl- Ashley Tisdale**

**8. ****Pieces of Me- Ashlee Simpson**

**9. I Could Fall in Love- Selena**

**10. Congratulations-Blue October**

**11. Big Girls Don't Cry-Fergie**

**12. Hate that I Love You- Rihanna ft. Ne-Yo**

**13. What Hurts the Most-Rascal Flatts**

**14. Sweetest Goodbye-Maroon Five**

**15. Listen to Your Heart –DHT**

**16. One Step at a Time- Jordin Sparks**

**17. Everywhere-Michelle Branch**

**18. A Moment like This- Leona Lewis**

**19. All American Girl-Carrie Underwood**

**Wow guys so thanks for sticking with me, truly.  
Lots of Love Twilightholic-Tanya**


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